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JOKES!
Apr 10, 2006 18:06:05 GMT -5
Post by ImpendingDoom on Apr 10, 2006 18:06:05 GMT -5
One day a little rabbit was running through the forest. He came up to a Giraffe about to Smoke a joint.
The little rabbit said, "Dear Giraffe, why do you do this?, It's so bad for your health, why don't you come running with me through the forest and you'll feel so much better!”
The Giraffe looks at the joint tosses it and goes running through the forest..
Next, the little rabbit and giraffe run up to a Rhino that’s about to do a line, The little rabbit looks at him and says, "Dear Rhino, why do you do this?. It's so bad for your health, why don't you com running with me, and the giraffe through the forest and you'll feel so much better.”
The Rhino looks at the straw then the line, and takes off with the little rabbit, and the giraffe.
Then, they run up to a Lion about the shoot up, the little rabbit looks at the Lion and says, "Dear Lion, why do you do this..." and before he could finish the Lion starts beating the shit out of the little rabbit!
As the Giraffe and the Rhino watch in horror, they ask,"Why are you doing this?". The Lion answers, "Every time that little f*cker is tripping on ecstasy he always wants me to go running with him through the f*cking forest!!!! “
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anubis13lade
Dark Initiate
life is judged by the unjudgable's
Posts: 74
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JOKES!
Apr 10, 2006 19:42:04 GMT -5
Post by anubis13lade on Apr 10, 2006 19:42:04 GMT -5
nice nice doom OK
There was a man visiting China but Had no were to stay so he slept in the rain half way through the night a old man woke him up and toled him to come home with him damp and tired he agreed
As they got to the house the old man stop him and said "If you touch my daughter i will put you through a ancient chines torture" and left him like that.
As the man was walking to his room he saw the daughter one of the finest chicks he as ever seen and she seemed to like him so he said screw the old man I'm doing her. While he is f*cking her the old man walks in and yells at his daughter in chines and walks away.
The next morning he wakes and finds a rock on the windows edge reads push he dose so but as he looks at the rock as rolling of he notices the words right nut tied to rock he jumps out the window but on the side walk reads left nut tied to bed post
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JOKES!
Apr 10, 2006 22:48:14 GMT -5
Post by ImpendingDoom on Apr 10, 2006 22:48:14 GMT -5
major ouch dude, funny though.
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JOKES!
Jun 27, 2006 1:01:20 GMT -5
Post by shamefulsean on Jun 27, 2006 1:01:20 GMT -5
Q:What did the lesbian vampire, say to the other lesbian vampire?
A:Same time next month?
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JOKES!
Aug 22, 2006 20:14:17 GMT -5
Post by ImpendingDoom on Aug 22, 2006 20:14:17 GMT -5
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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JOKES!
Aug 22, 2006 20:19:51 GMT -5
Post by ImpendingDoom on Aug 22, 2006 20:19:51 GMT -5
A man in a truck was held up in a traffic jam that was about two miles long. After a while he sees another man walking through the traffic talking to drivers caught up in the traffic. He comes up to the driver, who then winds his window down and asks what’s causing the hold up. The man replies "Terrorists have taken over President Bush's car about a mile up the road. Their holding him for ransom. They want $300 million dollars for him or they pour petrol over the car a set it on fire. I'm going from car to car taking up a collection."
The driver asks "How much are people putting in?'
The man replies "About half a gallon"
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JOKES!
Aug 22, 2006 20:20:57 GMT -5
Post by ImpendingDoom on Aug 22, 2006 20:20:57 GMT -5
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub... She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. Are you the manager? she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
Actually, no, he replied.
Can you get him for me?
I need to speak to him, she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. I'm afraid I can't, breathed the bartender. Is there anything I can do?
Yes. I need for you to give him a message, she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
What should I tell him? the bartender managed to say.
Tell him, she whispered, There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.
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JOKES!
Aug 22, 2006 20:21:29 GMT -5
Post by ImpendingDoom on Aug 22, 2006 20:21:29 GMT -5
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other bathroom stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doing just fine!"
And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is to bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"
At this point I'm trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them "No..... I'm a little busy right now!!"
Then I hear the person say nervously.."Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering my questions."
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JOKES!
Aug 22, 2006 20:21:55 GMT -5
Post by ImpendingDoom on Aug 22, 2006 20:21:55 GMT -5
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk butt off the merry-go-round!
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JOKES!
Aug 28, 2006 19:48:18 GMT -5
Post by Time_Spinner on Aug 28, 2006 19:48:18 GMT -5
i didn't get this one the first time, nor the second, but third times a charm!
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JOKES!
Jun 20, 2007 12:58:08 GMT -5
Post by lazzirus on Jun 20, 2007 12:58:08 GMT -5
Here ya go:
This guy meets a girl at a bar. He asks to buy her a drink, she says yes They dance till out of breath Standing at the bar with drink in hand He asks "What scent is that your wearing, if you don't mind my asking." The young lady replies " Channel 5" To which he replies " it's heavenly" To which she interupts, with "You smell quite good yourself, what scent are you wearing?" To which the young man answers "I have a hard-on but had no idea you could smell it!"
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JOKES!
Mar 14, 2008 18:14:46 GMT -5
Post by MissUnderstood on Mar 14, 2008 18:14:46 GMT -5
Q:what did the digital clock say to his mom...
A:Look mom, no hands!!
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BloodTrails
Dark Initiate
-- Stuck on grins --
Posts: 50
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JOKES!
Apr 23, 2010 14:09:22 GMT -5
Post by BloodTrails on Apr 23, 2010 14:09:22 GMT -5
what do indians do with horse skins ?
they keep their horses in 'em.
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BloodTrails
Dark Initiate
-- Stuck on grins --
Posts: 50
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JOKES!
Apr 23, 2010 14:14:32 GMT -5
Post by BloodTrails on Apr 23, 2010 14:14:32 GMT -5
Who really was the first man on moon ?
a kid from Somalia that played with his underwear string
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BloodTrails
Dark Initiate
-- Stuck on grins --
Posts: 50
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JOKES!
Apr 23, 2010 14:16:17 GMT -5
Post by BloodTrails on Apr 23, 2010 14:16:17 GMT -5
Why did the government fell in Somalia ?
The branch cracked.
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