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Post by Veritas on Oct 24, 2013 15:04:12 GMT -5
Untie your shoes & kick 'em off
loosen your tie untuck your shirt
relax your mind & lighten your heart
drift in the music this moment has to offer
give in to laughter like tongue to sugar
allow the torrential maddness to live itself out ... without you
get lost in breath and smoke and hearty drinking
let the captains of enterprise go down with their ships
nurse yourself back to life through concious conversation
daydreaming & teething to adulthood
creating & defining your own world
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Post by Aish on Oct 24, 2013 16:15:46 GMT -5
Perfect reminder to be present. I'm not a fan of capitalizing every line, but I dig the message, especially
Getting off the hamster wheel is where real life begins, IMO. Nice piece.
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siksimon
Demon Disciple
Blind leading the blind.
Posts: 524
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Post by siksimon on Oct 26, 2013 10:40:42 GMT -5
Interesting, I can imagine weary adventurers settling in a tavern for a mug of ale, a bard recasting stories of old, or an exotic dancer holding the attention of the inn guests.
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Post by twistedangel on Oct 26, 2013 12:09:10 GMT -5
We spend most our lives at work being wage slaves or worse..being someone others want an expect us to be Am a bit surprised at the "open heart" line..a little cliche for you but it does work...if it ain't broke don't fix it The sad thing about this tho is.... Wot if you world outside of the rat race is also already fixed ?...I know you don't do the hole empathy thing so I won't go on lol. Tho will say its a great write
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Oct 27, 2013 16:33:57 GMT -5
Quite a different write than I’ve grown to expect from you. It is heartening. “ allow the torrential maddness to live itself out ... without you” At first I wanted to suggest ending with this. It is so powerful and profound, but it is central too. Awesome structure. The only thing I can think of that might improve this is the removal of the ampersands. I don’t think you need them and they look funny. Awesome read.
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Post by Bastet on Oct 31, 2013 1:03:17 GMT -5
"Teething to adulthood" - nice turn of phrase.
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