Post by twistedangel on Jul 30, 2013 9:52:43 GMT -5
A/N ermm dunno where to dump this so ..well figured i would dump it here
I have to admit am a total technophobe, seriously, I cant programme my T-VO I hate mobile phones and texting. I even have a passionate loathing for the internet an social sites. Even me central heating programmer has never been set properly. Don't ever ask me to 'upload' pics from a digital camera onto a PC or laptop, I have lost so many holiday snaps and wedding, birthday photos it's ridiculous. Even my oven timers left unset.
So WHY the hell I bought the new latest 'in home' gadget I'll never know. The 'Buddy-Bot' an A.I. 'Man about the house' robot. They look totally real, and feel real as well. Hmm..actually thats not quite true, they have no body hair or flaws like freckles or moles, and facially look Botoxed to the max. They can store pictures like memories, have full conversations about holidays you've been on from information you've up loaded onto them. Take phone calls and messages, drive your car, pick up your shopping and best of all even do all house hold chores INCLUDING the ironing..how f*cking cool is THAT !!! Oh yeah and for those that pay a little extra (and yes I did) the upgraded version can even have sex with you.
Well it all sounds amazing doesn't it ? Sold on Amazon for the BEST PRICE SAVINGS of £8500 plus p&p of £200, along with 100's of comments from happy customers. What could go wrong ? Me, thats what could go wrong, and did.
Automated telephone conversations with other computers just sucks ass. Firstly I'm asked who would I like my 'Bot' to look like "David Beckham" I reply, twice for clarity. Who should it sound like ? "Jason Statham", So far so good, followed by a ton of other questions such as height, and various functions I'd like to use him for etc etc.
Delivery morning arrived, in a box he was wheeled into my hall by the stairs, I signed and they left me with him and the biggest set of instructions I have ever seen, Encyclopaedia Britannica size big FFS !!! I believe it was written originally in Chinese, then Italian and finally into English by a dyslexic Arab on acid. Not phased as yet I rip open the box like a child on Christmas day, and like many a child discover what disappointment really feels like..the f*cker looks just like Boris Becker !!! Now 5.30pm and no one answers the phones at Amazon, I leave a rather nasty message.
Continuing with the instructions I turn him on by "Press nose eye open ask for name it will" Hmm...Maybe Yoda on acid ? and go through the initial start up as his eyes (wow, lifelike) open. Jason Statham's voice at least asks "My name is ?" I say " Is Jason init" Boris replies "Name, Janet, confirmed"...Oh crap !
So there he stands, 2 months later in the hall still unused collecting dust. Though he now has a towel round him as his hairless man bits creeped me out, my middle aged naked ginger German man called Janet. The worlds most expensive coat rack
I have to admit am a total technophobe, seriously, I cant programme my T-VO I hate mobile phones and texting. I even have a passionate loathing for the internet an social sites. Even me central heating programmer has never been set properly. Don't ever ask me to 'upload' pics from a digital camera onto a PC or laptop, I have lost so many holiday snaps and wedding, birthday photos it's ridiculous. Even my oven timers left unset.
So WHY the hell I bought the new latest 'in home' gadget I'll never know. The 'Buddy-Bot' an A.I. 'Man about the house' robot. They look totally real, and feel real as well. Hmm..actually thats not quite true, they have no body hair or flaws like freckles or moles, and facially look Botoxed to the max. They can store pictures like memories, have full conversations about holidays you've been on from information you've up loaded onto them. Take phone calls and messages, drive your car, pick up your shopping and best of all even do all house hold chores INCLUDING the ironing..how f*cking cool is THAT !!! Oh yeah and for those that pay a little extra (and yes I did) the upgraded version can even have sex with you.
Well it all sounds amazing doesn't it ? Sold on Amazon for the BEST PRICE SAVINGS of £8500 plus p&p of £200, along with 100's of comments from happy customers. What could go wrong ? Me, thats what could go wrong, and did.
Automated telephone conversations with other computers just sucks ass. Firstly I'm asked who would I like my 'Bot' to look like "David Beckham" I reply, twice for clarity. Who should it sound like ? "Jason Statham", So far so good, followed by a ton of other questions such as height, and various functions I'd like to use him for etc etc.
Delivery morning arrived, in a box he was wheeled into my hall by the stairs, I signed and they left me with him and the biggest set of instructions I have ever seen, Encyclopaedia Britannica size big FFS !!! I believe it was written originally in Chinese, then Italian and finally into English by a dyslexic Arab on acid. Not phased as yet I rip open the box like a child on Christmas day, and like many a child discover what disappointment really feels like..the f*cker looks just like Boris Becker !!! Now 5.30pm and no one answers the phones at Amazon, I leave a rather nasty message.
Continuing with the instructions I turn him on by "Press nose eye open ask for name it will" Hmm...Maybe Yoda on acid ? and go through the initial start up as his eyes (wow, lifelike) open. Jason Statham's voice at least asks "My name is ?" I say " Is Jason init" Boris replies "Name, Janet, confirmed"...Oh crap !
So there he stands, 2 months later in the hall still unused collecting dust. Though he now has a towel round him as his hairless man bits creeped me out, my middle aged naked ginger German man called Janet. The worlds most expensive coat rack