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Post by twistedangel on May 15, 2013 11:50:03 GMT -5
Bulldoze the soul of an ancient city Tear down stones of ancestry Dedicate new temples to an economy Zombie-ites on a 24/7 shopping spree Masses voting, thinking their free
Surrounded by cold of steel an glass Do they ever reflect our past ? No time to think, all move to fast Disposable icons never meant to last Fickle generations die has been cast
Some kids starving to follow a hero Fashion pimps pushing deadly size zero No more wonder, no more magic Worship Gods of rectangular plastic Avarice an greed so automatic Lust and money divinely monastic
Fall for the crap in a glossy magazine Money for nothing, the X Factor dream Mighty Mega Burgers, just obscene Fat f*ckers waddling in size 18 Skinny jeans only look good on the lean
Its all getting so much harder Run away, become a self harmer Shit for brains, a walking sleeper All lined up for the Grim Reaper Do me a favour Next time Cut that little bit deeper
B.O.G.O.F funerals so much cheaper
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Post by fourtimefelon on May 15, 2013 17:27:44 GMT -5
This intrigued me because I just saw an article where they tore down an ancient Mayan pyramid somewhere in South or Central America to use the stone as gravel for a roads project, so the very first 3 lines struck out at me. I've read several of your pieces on here, and this is the first one that seemed to be free of those little inflections that you normally put in your work ("me" instead of "my", etc.) and I enjoyed it. I thought maybe I was digging on your stuff because it was a language fetish or something, something I'd never seen before. But I like what I see without the fetish quirk, too. A lot of lines that some might say are "cliche" ideas, but you phrase them in a way that I'm familiar with, and I'm a fan of the cliche. Cliche's only become that way because they are SO fawking good at being right that they get prostitutedly overused. "Disposable icons never meant to last" is true! and That 'X-factor' pop-culture reference was unique and razor sharp, astute and I reacted to it physically at my computer, I seriously did. My favorite part of it has got to be the entire building of a crescendo and the final strophe. "Buy one get one free funerals so much cheaper!!!!!!!!!" Like, who cares if you're gonna run away? Go ahead, cut yourself. You're stupid, asleep when you should be wide awake. I'll mock you by not giving you the time of day or any pity. Toss your sorry ass in a cardboard box in a pauper's grave, since you didn't have the wherewithal to handle your own business in a world that is so blatantly fake and overstimulated. I'm for real gassed up right now, I'm gonna go do some damned pushups or something. This is first time that I've read something in a long time that I didn't create that has had a real effect on me. I hope that something I write one day does something to someone like what you've written here has done to me.
Fantastically enamored of your write, Fourtimefelon!
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Post by windfog on May 15, 2013 22:02:55 GMT -5
Temperature of your emotions here is fantastic! Diagnosis to our society is exact. What can help to eradicate this pain? ? W.F.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on May 16, 2013 2:12:03 GMT -5
Felon - "I hope that something I write one day does something to someone like what you've written here has done to me." - You've done this to me twice already. :-) Angel - We give up our heritage and dive into this society of one stimulus after another with no consideration beyond the quick fix. What matters our problems when we are distracted and all desires are quenched by convenience and a small plastic card. Why live for real when fantasy is so cheap? I know why but how many today do? That is the underlying message I see in this. Thanks! I can't live in a city anymore. I can't watch so many race to the grave on a daily basis any more without knowing I have been swept up in the maelstrom madness. Where I now live I have to sacrifice convenience, money, entertainment, etc., but I'm healthier for it and closer to nature's reminders. BTW, love the ending. I once mentioned here that I would love the see the city of LA burn with most of its people still in it. I know how you feel. A favorite saying of mine is if you're not part of the solution your part of the problem. We BUY into this so who is really to blame?
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Post by windfog on May 16, 2013 3:41:33 GMT -5
Let me conk out my friend! SHE wrote a really great piece! W.f.
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Post by fourtimefelon on May 16, 2013 8:40:15 GMT -5
"You've done this to me twice already." - LoneleyForsaken
Way to make a shameless, audacious addict blush! Thanks a lot for that. It really means something for even one person to say something like that about something I created from an amalgamation of my thoughts. Also I read the poem again, and it still fawking rocks.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on May 16, 2013 12:06:28 GMT -5
What? ? I hope I did not come off as not liking this, I do. I think her expression is dead on with my own perception of part of the problem with our world today. If anger comes through it is only a testament to how well she has touched my own feelings and not aimed at her but quite the opposite in fact for her recognition of what I myself see as truth. Felon – I know so little about you or your life but feel kindred already with you. You have obviously shared some of my own life experiences. I’m sure the experiences are different in many ways but the feelings and lessons we share are obvious to me. Your ability to dive in and comment as you do here shows it too. You show real deep feelings and understanding and are not afraid to show it.
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Post by twistedangel on May 16, 2013 12:25:45 GMT -5
cheers guys am well happy with the comments @felon ..is true i use..hmm well not 'street talk' exactly but the way i speak in a lot of me writes..i dont say "my" but "me" as just 1 example..but these writes are usually a bit personal to me an i guess i try to tell it as me..somtimes at the cost of people not liking it..but IMO it keeps them more 'real' that said some writes deserve more attention to detail..so yeah i do use 'spell check' an try proper grammar if i think a piece calls for it as for your own writes as LF has already said you done this already..IMO you are a good writer keeping it real an honest an that comes across..somtimes some writes are overly clever an then lose the gritty edge it needed to pack a real punch..it doesnt make them bad writes or their message less valid but instead of being hit by a brick..you get tickled by a pillow :/ funnily i do see similarities between youself an LF @ Ris ..LOL love ya @ LF really old song but didnt Malcolm McLaren do one called Burn Hollywood Burn ?? :)_
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Post by adamsmiller on Oct 2, 2013 12:31:17 GMT -5
I'm a bit of an iconoclast myself. The beginning is strong and it sets a tone that resonates throughout the poem, which I appreciate. The levity towards the end added some much needed comedy into the piece. I'm a firm believer that the darker a piece is the more it craves a comedic crutch.
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Post by twistedangel on Oct 5, 2013 0:13:59 GMT -5
i had to google 'iconoclast'..yep deffo wanna be one of them when i grow up cheers
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Post by Veritas on Oct 6, 2013 4:03:39 GMT -5
Bravo
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