mic2
Crimson Soul
Posts: 174
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Post by mic2 on Apr 30, 2013 20:40:41 GMT -5
You Can’t Hide
Not even in alfalfa or wheat or woods or behind my living room curtains or stitched into her tangle of hair—
No shape, you shift and blend. Give life to brown leaves. Short flickering breaths from somewhere ancient
kicks the corpse, dries the blood, clears dust and ash from fur and field. How would you glide or tumble over through or under love? It’s just a thought.
What must you think of yourself as you surrender to a knee cap, turn right then shoulder up a spine, bend then fold over the edge of a ridge—
shapeless as you shift. Always looking for a set or two of appreciative eyes.
I changed a few things--it was only a couple of days old, after all.
.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Apr 30, 2013 21:32:16 GMT -5
Cool one Mic
I must be getting used to your style because I even like your capitalization and punctuation in this one. S2 and S3 seem to pack all the power though. I must be missing something because it seems to be missing the profound message at the end that I have grown accustom to reading from you. You could have ended at S3 but I do like “What must you think of yourself” and the wind aspect. How you end with “…you shift” has a certain profound message but… hmmmmm, not sure. Perhaps less would be more?
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Post by twistedangel on May 1, 2013 2:06:40 GMT -5
am lost as its meaning ...seems its a common thing with me...maybe its lack of imagination an stupidity for me it reads about 'wind'..maybe ? 2nd stanza i really enjoyed
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Post by windfog on May 1, 2013 2:27:32 GMT -5
I took it as "we came from dirt and we become dirt". Life isn't an endless "freak's circus". Cool. W.F.
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mic2
Crimson Soul
Posts: 174
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Post by mic2 on May 5, 2013 20:53:30 GMT -5
LF, Twisted and windfrog,
thanks to all for taking a look and letting me know how this hit you. I just can't exlaine my intent--it would be reductive. You all are right--by the way.
me
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Post by Aish on May 5, 2013 22:39:11 GMT -5
I don't know how I missed this.
Mic, I found it to be beautiful. No crit.
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mic2
Crimson Soul
Posts: 174
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Post by mic2 on May 8, 2013 20:31:03 GMT -5
hey A, how ya doin'?
Beautiful is good, thanks a bunch,
me
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Post by Aish on May 14, 2013 20:59:29 GMT -5
I'm great! It's so good to read you again, you never fail to impress.
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Post by Moonstone Maiden on May 19, 2013 8:35:26 GMT -5
'or stitched into her tangle of hair' I love this line. It keeps echoing in my mind & I can smell the scent of her hair. It just made me happy for some reason. Thank you
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mic2
Crimson Soul
Posts: 174
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Post by mic2 on May 19, 2013 18:49:28 GMT -5
Thanks Moonstone,
humbling, for sure. Thanks for letting me know.
I keep thinking \ nouns and verbs nouns and verbs nouns and verbs nouns and verbs
Glad something stuck,
me
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