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Post by twistedangel on Apr 27, 2013 1:35:59 GMT -5
welcome to the badland the gangland the chavland uks very own Helmand caged in flats livin off scraps laffed at by Jeremy Kyle any wonder we turn so vile no help for a hand up just begrudged social hand out left to rot land that time forgot no social graces in neglected places the boarded shops now crack den squats skoolz out forever we be street cleva learnin our mathematics price of narcotics kidz having kidz stresses an depression the sting of the blues before they can tie they own shoes dreamz lay in ashes killed in the lights of muzzle flashes the fear in violence in the dark we cry in silence
nothin to offa nothin to lose we the forgotten the shit under ya shoes
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Apr 27, 2013 19:38:58 GMT -5
There are some really good lines here and it gets really good near the end. I even love the street speak in this. It fits so beautifully. I really love these lines and the last strophe is really powerful;
“laffed at by Jeremy Kyle any wonder we turn so vileâ€
“left to rot land that time forgotâ€
“the boarded shops now crack den squats†- I want to say something. I just don't know what. ...err... crack is a hard one to kick when the pain needs numbing.
“dreamz lay in ashes killed in the lights of muzzle flashes“ Wow! Remove the s from lights.
"in the dark we cry in silenc
nothin to offa nothin to lose we the forgotten the shit under ya shoes†“ This last strophe and that line could stand on its own and is a great summation. The pain and loneliness is palpable enough to make me cry.
Thanks for sharing. I know it was not easy.
LF
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Post by windfog on Apr 28, 2013 0:25:33 GMT -5
Hello, lady! This your piece ... Frankly, I afraid. If such thoughts become common ... it brings a lot of disasters. I understand you in your rage. Our society isn't good at all. But no need to think that we are on a brink of life. My words sound silly but ... I don't think that world has only one colour - black. "The thickest darkness comes before dawn." Best regards, R.Y.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Apr 28, 2013 9:14:46 GMT -5
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Post by windfog on Apr 28, 2013 10:29:21 GMT -5
Hi, my friend! Class separation ... okay, let it be. W.F.
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Post by 6sa6an6 on May 3, 2013 15:19:46 GMT -5
Hail Satan! " nothin to offa/ nothin to lose/ we the forgotten/ under ya shoes ". I love these words right here. And I liked the poem altogether, you took me to the UK and I have never been there before.
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siksimon
Demon Disciple
Blind leading the blind.
Posts: 524
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Post by siksimon on May 6, 2013 13:59:44 GMT -5
Nice one, I love the extensive vocabulary
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siksimon
Demon Disciple
Blind leading the blind.
Posts: 524
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Post by siksimon on May 6, 2013 14:00:40 GMT -5
I really like these lines: dreamz lay in ashes killed in the lights of muzzle flashes
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