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Post by means999 on Oct 21, 2012 21:14:21 GMT -5
U created in your image and I first cried U understood not its mechanics and u were the first I defied Looking in the mirror I could see that I appeared like u I spreadeth my wings, rallying angels to me, and u I accused I split the heavens in half by reaching for my goals I came against u with my equal power and it was u I opposed U slaver of weakness, I could no longer stand your necessary So I fought u, my creator, in Heaven, and I became your Adversary I no longer wanted to be apart of filth and would no longer pretend to be So me and my angels kicked the Heavens and I became your enemy I became deified in Hell and on Earth I took your creation in as my own and showed it its worth I work against u every way killing u softly I am the main mortician who will preside over your body in autopsy Not so all knowing are u? On whats yours I left my stamp And became the irresistible Devil, a God, and a champ I've declared war and I'm the Master of the Thrones So bow down and clear the way because im on my way back home.........
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Post by Aish on Nov 2, 2012 13:25:04 GMT -5
This seems very familiar, but that could just be a result of the material being churned out before. I want to like this, I really do. I just can't completely take it seriously. Your syntax and sentence structure need attention. Using 'u' instead of 'you' in no way ingratiates me as a reader. The rhyming is atrocious. As far as your content, I simply feel it could be done better. I have a ... soft spot if you will for the supposed 'fall', but this piece doesn't do it for me. It almost comes across as a bad joke.
I will remind you to take our guidelines to heart. You have not participated on the boards at all, and with 13 pieces up expecting critique yet no feedback for other members I am losing my patience. This is not a vanity site. Further dump-and-runs will be deleted.
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Post by means999 on Nov 4, 2012 7:46:09 GMT -5
i will say this. i never took a class for poetry writing. ive never been taught by anybody on how to write a poem. ive just been fascinated with being a free spirit when it comes to writing whats on my mind. Now is u r losing patients then maybe u should teach me the guidelines, cause obviously i cant read or something. u come ready to bash me. in my world there is no guidelines or rules to writing poetry, and if there is i must have broken all of them too. so teach or delete whatever is best for u.
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Post by Aish on Nov 4, 2012 17:31:36 GMT -5
I posted this link on another of your pieces, but here are the guidelines for the site. I think you will find them to be rather simple darkstarpoetry.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=info&action=display&thread=7387Our members run the gamut as far as tastes and writing experience. This is a short sticky regarding critique darkstarpoetry.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=info&action=display&thread=8521I didn't come ready to bash you, I gave you my honest opinion of the piece. Free form poetry is accepted here, all forms are, though I will tell you up front I personally don't care for rhyme much of the time, especially if the chosen topic is a serious one. Structured poetry forms that demand a specified meter and rhyme scheme, such as a terza rima or conachlonn are rarely attempted by our members, but if you have an interest in such things I can direct you to an excellent tutorial. We do give honest feedback here, so we are equally prepared to offer critique and praise. If you blow me away with a poem, I will praise you highly. If it falls flat or has issues, I will let you know. None of this is done out of malice. It is simply to hone the craft. My issue is not with whether or not you ever took a poetry class. It rests in the fact that you joined and offered many pieces of your own work without taking the time to be involved with the site. We are accepting of just about everything except spam and one sidedness.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Nov 4, 2012 18:34:20 GMT -5
What she means is that we strive to help each other improve our writing skills. This is not a site where you can just post your work and run. We do have a members section where you can post work without giving or receiving but you have to reach 300 posts before we give you a slot there. This is to encourage new members to participate in our main areas. The guidelines state that we expect each member to post three critiques for other members for each poem you post. We understand how difficult this can be and two is ok for awhile but you must make an effort. It does get easier and the more you try the sooner you will get comfortable with giving and receiving critique.
It is difficult to critique the work of another writer. In the beginning it often comes out as; “I like this a lot” or “ Wow! This is a great read.” While we all appreciate this kind of feedback it is not very helpful to improving our skill. When we force ourselves to honestly evaluate the work of another we remember what we say and it shows in our own writing. There is also a give and take here. If you want good objective feedback on your own writing we will work harder to do so if you do too but you have given nothing so far so… You’re up to what… 14 poems posted now? 3 X 14 = 42. You should have between 28 and 42 helpful critiques to go with these poems you have posted. We don’t expect you to be a pro but an effort is required.
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Post by Veritas on Nov 5, 2012 21:47:55 GMT -5
all I can say... all I can say... is smash forth the gates and kill every angel and loved one you see
- LMS.
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Post by means999 on Nov 5, 2012 23:35:54 GMT -5
Ok , now I can rock with what u guys r saying. And I will do my best to take heed the lesson.
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Post by Aish on Nov 6, 2012 0:40:51 GMT -5
Great!
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Post by 6sa6an6 on May 4, 2013 14:46:58 GMT -5
Hail Satan! This is gasoline for my thirsty burning fires.
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Post by Aish on May 4, 2013 23:19:41 GMT -5
Hail Satan! This is gasoline for my thirsty burning fires. Prasing your own work under a new account, tsk tsk tsk.
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siksimon
Demon Disciple
Blind leading the blind.
Posts: 524
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Post by siksimon on May 5, 2013 1:11:32 GMT -5
Hail Satan! This is gasoline for my thirsty burning fires. Prasing your own work under a new account, tsk tsk tsk. loool, crafty
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Post by 6sa6an6 on May 6, 2013 14:11:59 GMT -5
Yeah you caught me Aish. What can i say?
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