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Terra
Aug 21, 2012 15:37:23 GMT -5
Post by Aish on Aug 21, 2012 15:37:23 GMT -5
Beneath the false sky that must fall away
the tatted layers crumble
in the sacred swaying motion of her hips
liquid lipid flames violetwhite the shattered hum in beads, in sweat coalesces
the vibration
an infinite pulse.
*for Braden & Terra*
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Terra
Aug 22, 2012 23:11:34 GMT -5
Post by LonelyForsaken on Aug 22, 2012 23:11:34 GMT -5
I love your imagery. You made me laugh trying to picture her swaying motion on a global scale. It does feel like you’re struggling to find that ending with the right impact. Sorry, I can’t think of anything helpful ATM.
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Terra
Sept 10, 2012 16:24:51 GMT -5
Post by Aish on Sept 10, 2012 16:24:51 GMT -5
Thank you, LF. It was meant both as a cosmic study and a personal one. The meanings overlap intentionally. I'm sorry you feel the ending falters. This piece came out whole, exactly as the vision dictated, no struggling except for the insistence it was to be birthed.
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Terra
Sept 13, 2012 0:45:26 GMT -5
Post by LonelyForsaken on Sept 13, 2012 0:45:26 GMT -5
I caught the overlapping meanings. Very well done. I did catch the birthing aspect but I did not catch the motherly ties aspect. I was thinking of the circle of life. I didn’t mean that it falters. It just felt like you wanted to say something… I don’t know, bigger, or more?
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Terra
Sept 19, 2012 10:43:30 GMT -5
Post by Aish on Sept 19, 2012 10:43:30 GMT -5
It may eventually birth a companion piece, but for now it's complete. This is a glimpse, a promise, a beginning. I'm satisfied with the way it is. I want it to be readable, but as a vision, there are nuances readers won't connect with because they have no basis and I'm not of a mind to elaborate or add to the poem. There is a real possibility that my last 3 pieces will fail with readers and I'm fine if they do because of the intensely individualized journey they represent.
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Terra
Sept 19, 2012 18:29:43 GMT -5
Post by Aish on Sept 19, 2012 18:29:43 GMT -5
There isn't a mother aspect, or a birth aspect. I was layering the goddess Tera over a human Tera, hence the dedication, for Braden &Tera.
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Terra
Sept 20, 2012 9:13:08 GMT -5
Post by LonelyForsaken on Sept 20, 2012 9:13:08 GMT -5
“There is a real possibility that my last 3 pieces will fail with readers and I'm fine if they do because of the intensely individualized journey they represent.” – Though it is often difficult to know the exact meaning of a poet’s heart rest assured that, like you, they are beautiful.
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