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Post by RisYerg on Dec 26, 2011 14:40:59 GMT -5
A day has gone. Disappeared Among countless "yesterdays". It slid, like a bead, From Time's ripped necklace.
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Post by ankhkat on Dec 26, 2011 21:06:46 GMT -5
i have read this a few times now and i think the last line sounds better without the
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Post by Aish on Dec 27, 2011 1:25:55 GMT -5
Yes, you can remove 'the'.
Love the metaphor you chose!
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Post by RisYerg on Dec 27, 2011 2:05:01 GMT -5
Thank you, ladies! R.Y.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jan 9, 2012 19:55:38 GMT -5
Those last two lines are just brilliant, Ris. Fantastic ending... Im really impressed with it. Not sure if "yesterdays" needs quotations around it, otherwise wicked write.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jan 10, 2012 2:46:11 GMT -5
You have a gift for conjuring pleasing images with your metaphors as well as doing it with so few words. Very good. Days, like pearls, slip from a broken sting of time. It is both pleasing and heartbreaking.
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