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Post by Veritas on Nov 1, 2011 15:54:27 GMT -5
Your heart beats so loud It drowns out all other sound
The ground itself shakes As the earth breathes
Echoing the pulse of infinity
Complex
Even when completely stripped
Passive aggressive majik
Enigmatic
The curse & the cure ...and vice versa
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Nov 1, 2011 21:58:29 GMT -5
"The ground itself shakes As the earth breathes" - “The curse & the cure” – Is an awesome ending to this. “...and vice versa” – Might be unnecessary. It is for me anyway. Great write Veritas.
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Post by Veritas on Nov 2, 2011 1:41:58 GMT -5
Might?
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Nov 2, 2011 12:08:52 GMT -5
Might? – What do other readers think?
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Post by Veritas on Nov 2, 2011 12:29:53 GMT -5
Ha ha, we don't ka noe yet! Lol! I'm not sure about the piece in its entirety.
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Post by Swindle Sheet on Nov 3, 2011 19:04:13 GMT -5
It has a character about it. This character continues throughout the poem. So I would keep it as is. My favorite line was number 5. That was good word choice, something like " eternity" would not have worked as well.
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Post by Aish on Nov 14, 2011 14:59:16 GMT -5
I like the choice of 'infinity' as the allusion is one of repetition.
Pedro, I'm a little surprised @ your ambiguity regarding the piece. It's solid shit. I can read it and put myself in the mindset of being inebriated, emotionally naked, with my pores reaching toward connection and I can also read it from a perspective of pure receiving - the simplistic layers you constructed are gently torrid.
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Post by Veritas on Nov 14, 2011 15:04:06 GMT -5
Amber-guity?
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Post by Aish on Nov 14, 2011 15:05:42 GMT -5
HAhaha!
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