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Post by Time_Spinner on Jun 21, 2011 22:27:00 GMT -5
A lone whisper of dead stars faint of breath, a century dancing on unknown winds blinded, cold comforting
curled into implosion a release of bound thought sudden tremors, a voice, a long rarity, calling out
souless eyes in the void lobotomized, and free the lines of body, broken no need to sigh, to see
lifted into imbalance bells tremble in my voice signifigance, a yawning chasm life and death, complacent choice
victim to sway, to change and to loss a lithe hand, sensation divided rooted to earth, slip into sky my secrets gone, my mind confided.
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Post by Aish on Jun 24, 2011 15:01:43 GMT -5
I really love your imagry and the overall vibe. Some of it towards the end feels wonky, though. In the final stanza I really adore the first 3 lines [victim to sway, to change and to loss a lithe hand, sensation divided rooted to earth, slip into sky], however, the ultimate line falls flat and doesn't do the piece justice.
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