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Post by jendo on Oct 10, 2010 19:05:08 GMT -5
Tweaked and insane, For weeks branded brains Held their weak plans in vain Yet sore, weak hands became So useless and numb; It is ruthless how some Choose meth and become Toothless with tan gums. Few knew the price To chew their slice; New views entice Voodoo's advice To quit, or keep Doin' it for cheap, Just to lose it and leap And try and get more sleep. They can't decide which one Of their mind's rich sums They'll bite with their twitched tongues As wide eyes do see tons Pulled everywhere; Dull severings bare Wherever each stares But these fools never beware The dangers unknown Or go change their fun's tone As strangers do come their way, More alone than together As friends so fair weather Stab backs to death Just to send them love letters.
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Post by <strip> on Oct 25, 2010 14:11:26 GMT -5
I like the speed and rhythm. Simple and effective theme. The small amount of punctuation was beneficial to the tone of the poem; It created a quick pace which added a lot to the intense vibe. A few lines had awkward wording.
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