Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 16, 2003 17:01:03 GMT -5
Stuck in hell Feeling swell Screaming to be free As it is to be Everything passes by All I wish is to fly Not wishing to tell The times that I fell Fighting such insanity As it takes over me While slowly I die As I will never wonder why
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 16, 2003 18:43:58 GMT -5
To be honest, this isn't as good as the other poems of yours that I've read so far. The rhyme scheme feels a little forced, and the words a little over used, but I like the feelings behind it.
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 16, 2003 19:41:17 GMT -5
I was in a confined place when I wrote it, so I knew it wouldn't turn out the greatest. The feeling is great behind it, but the rhyme scheme is somewhat forced. It's definately not one of my best, but it's better than some of them I've done...
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 16, 2003 20:04:38 GMT -5
Well, I totally understand that. When I feel like that, it's more about self-herapy than creating a work of art! I'm sure you can rework it, though. Your other poems are really good, so you should find it easy to fix little problems! ;D
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 14:37:17 GMT -5
When I get the time, I'll definately go back and attempt to fix it. Some poems I have not been able to fix in the past, so I guess I'll have to see what I can do with it...
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