|
Post by caramell11586 on Dec 12, 2003 8:31:13 GMT -5
Tears come crashing onto your pale face As the light slaps you from this sea Scary isn't it? To know the whole world's different And your so lost Among the happy memories And picture perfect moments That you missed your one ride To sanctuary
But it's ok Sit on the bus stops mislaid bench Watch the world drive by "They've changed" You think it You feel it You hate it
Relax, Slip into the waiting's desperate coma As we move to fast for you now Because you neglected your one chance To catch up Blame your new insecurities on the world Dancing around the fact it's you By condemning us all Almost convincing yourself to believe this lie
But it's ok Curl yourself around the fetal abhorrance Observe all you care distance "They've changed" You think it You know it You hate it
Here come the clouds The rain shall covet your tears Pity drives us to you To give you a hand of reconsideration But you abdurately reject You know it's to late to attain normality again Driving away We see you lose your soul through the shattered tear drop eyes We can't turn back
But it's ok Your alone in your mulishness And you realize "I'm wrong" You think it You feel it You hate it
|
|
|
Post by Lina Inverse on Dec 12, 2003 21:12:04 GMT -5
As the ight slaps you from this seay A couple typos in this line. I like the repetition of the short "You think it you feel it you hate it" lines
|
|
|
Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 12, 2003 22:10:25 GMT -5
I agree with Lina. This is a very well written poem. There is so much depth of feeling in this piece, I don;t even know where to start praising! Lol. Great write.
|
|
AxXis
Crimson Soul
I know the pale thing in the darkest of places.
Posts: 218
|
Post by AxXis on Dec 13, 2003 1:02:15 GMT -5
good write!! I especially liked the lines.... Blame your new insecurities on the world Dancing around the fact it's you So common and true. Thanks for sharing.
|
|
Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
|
Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 17:40:17 GMT -5
Very emotive and truthful. I like it a lot. The structure is unique and it runs quite smoothly. I especially like the repeated stanza:
""They've changed" You think it You know it You hate it "
...for it truly relates to what I have thought and been through with certain issues...
|
|
|
Post by caramell11586 on Dec 22, 2003 22:26:19 GMT -5
Thank you guys
|
|
Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
|
Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 22:28:38 GMT -5
Your writings are great. You have been gifted, truly...
|
|