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Post by Belorfindora on Dec 9, 2003 21:53:24 GMT -5
My arms have been closed for ever so long The guilt in my eyes betrays this possesion I've cast myself and my soul from where I belong To try to decrease your new burning obsession
And still I feel lost... and I cannot decide Is it right to run from your desire I know running won't save me from your prying eyes Should I give up my soul and feed your fire
I open the gates of my innocence To quench this thirst that will not cease Every day it's repeated; I bear this penitence Just to briefly allow your fires to ease...
I know there is truth behind this rusted chain Where only my chastity lays it's claim But soon only my blood will remain Frozen in terror, I cannot escape this pain...
This culminated event blew away the lock and key I cannot remember what it was that made me free Behind those closed gates, I was as safe as I could be But now...I drown in a sorrowfully happy Me....
I opened the gates of my innocence To quench this thirst that will not cease Every day it's repeated; I bear this penitence Just to briefly allow your fires to ease...
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 9, 2003 22:06:59 GMT -5
Hey! Welcome to the site! And what a good poem to start with. Your rhythmn and rhyming were really good. I found your poem to be incredibly emotive, and I can really sympathise with you. It's great work, and I can't wait to read more of your poems ;D
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Post by Belorfindora on Dec 9, 2003 22:14:58 GMT -5
thankee
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Dec 10, 2003 0:45:55 GMT -5
welcome to dark star! i hope you enjoy your stay here, belorfindora.
as rain already said, beautiful rhythm. you did an excellent job with this.. i look forward to more of your poetry.
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Post by Belorfindora on Dec 12, 2003 20:33:27 GMT -5
o0o0o0
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Post by caramell11586 on Dec 14, 2003 19:21:02 GMT -5
I relly liked your poem..it went right out and told how you felt..
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 17:33:11 GMT -5
Very emotive. It has great imagery that can relate to just about everybody. I especially liked the following stanza, which you repeated twise:
"I opened the gates of my innocence To quench this thirst that will not cease Every day it's repeated; I bear this penitence Just to briefly allow your fires to ease... "
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CrimsonAngel
Demon Disciple
.Fallen from the broken gates of heaven
Posts: 305
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Post by CrimsonAngel on Dec 24, 2003 12:08:17 GMT -5
that was such a good piece....I agree with caramell it cam right out to tell how you felt...nice work!!
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Post by Lina Inverse on Dec 27, 2003 18:27:51 GMT -5
My favorite aspect of this poem was the mood it created. Of course, it also had good rythm and rhyme ^_^
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Post by Belorfindora on Dec 31, 2003 0:23:48 GMT -5
thank you
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