Post by Reaper696 on Jan 11, 2007 15:39:08 GMT -5
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the flat
The kids couldn't find where the presents were at.
They looked high and low, within and without
So Jane and Abel were having some doubts:
Did Mommy and Daddy forget this fine day?
Did credit cards finally flitter away?
There weren't any presents, not even a tree
And at 2 in the morning they grew quite angry.
They tried to figure just where they went wrong
On Halloween Abel sold all of his bongs,
Jane kepr her whoring at holiday lows
And knew by Thanksgiving their meth lab must go.
No neighbor's house has burnt down for months,
And they didn't call some teachers cum-spitting c*nts,
Their net scams were hidden, and that shit was tough
So they thought that they deserved all of their stuff.
They stewed in their bunk beds unable to sleep
And were on the verge of starting to weep,
Then suddenly there was a thump overhead
And Abel and Jane almose flew out of bed.
They silently listened and suddenly heard
The odd little sounds of 8 dropping turds,
On their way to their parents, and to their dismay
They heard moaning and the bed squeaking away.
They got spanked the last time, so they left them alone
And figured that they should check this on their own.
They raced to the kitchen and grabbed some knives
And various objects to protect thier lives...
They went to their window, climbed out on their lattice
(It's things like this that they had much practice)
They peeked past the ledge and what did they see?
A man in a red suit as fat as can be.
He barely could fit in that little red sled
That had 8 reindeer at its head,
He finished a cookie, walked out of his seat,
And walked to the back slowly, 'cause he was quite beat.
He pulled otu an empty sack, tossed it aside,
Pulled out a full sack that was 2 Santas wide.
Jane and Abel looked into that sack
And started to act as if they were on crack.
The toys that they saw made both of them drool,
They could say they have half a toy store at school:
There were iPods and laptops and hippity-hop pants,
A Stripper Pole Barbie that's extra-enhanced,
A Fisher Price taser, some marijuana trees,
And a blow-up doll that had pads for her knees.
With 3 full sacks in the sled to boot
Jane and Abel quietly said "loot".
They crept up on the roof to the back of the sled
Stabbed Comet and Cupid until they were dead,
Drowned Donner and Blitzen in the piles of guts,
Poured Draino Dasher and Dancer's nuts,
Jane bashed in Prancer's head like a drum,
Abel screwed Vixen, which Jane thought was dumb,
Santa turned 'round and his throat filled with bile
Seeing 2 little kids with 2 evil smiles.
He saw all the carnage and faked a big grin
(As the strength of his bowels grew quite thin),
He said "hey kids, you're on the nice list"
When the kids walked closer, his leg filled with piss.
Santa said "there's no need to be mean",
Jane and Abel licked their knives clean
And dashed toward Santa to finish the bout,
Santa fell down the chimney, and promptly passed out.
They looked down the chimney, saw he was still
And heard their parents' headboard clatter still,
They dropped the 4 sacks upon the fat man
And scurried inside to finish their plan:
They dragged Santa out and onto the floor,
His beard they cut, his clothes they tore,
Smeared blood on his face, put knives in his waistband,
And carved some swastikas upon his hands.
Then hid all the sacks in various places
And changed their pajamas to remove all traces,
Ran back to their living room, pleased with their fate
To put final touches on their Christmas bait.
With milk and cookies dropped just for show
And the spread-eagle opera upstairs finally slowed,
Santa looked up, a glazed look on his face,
Jane screamed while Abel bopped him with a vase.
Their parents ran down and then back upstairs
(It seems they've forgotten that they were still bare),
When they returned they tied up the impostor,
While Mommy had a look as cold as Gloucester.
Though Santa was groggy he just played dead
'Til Daddy-poo snatched him up by his head,
Daddy looke at him eye-to-eye
And in quiet rage said "you're gonna fry
Home invasion alone's 20 years
And you've goten my kids in tears!"
Just then 4 reindeer fell to the grass
One with white stuff bubbling out if its ass.
"Sacrifice? Beastiality too?
I don't even know shysters that would defend you!"
At first Santa thought he'd have better luck
But heard he's a lawyer, and knew he was f*cked...
Jane and Abel had fun Christmas Day
And with all of the money they made on eBay,
When Sants got the chair, it hit them like a bomb
So they made up for it by starting Overstock.com...
The kids couldn't find where the presents were at.
They looked high and low, within and without
So Jane and Abel were having some doubts:
Did Mommy and Daddy forget this fine day?
Did credit cards finally flitter away?
There weren't any presents, not even a tree
And at 2 in the morning they grew quite angry.
They tried to figure just where they went wrong
On Halloween Abel sold all of his bongs,
Jane kepr her whoring at holiday lows
And knew by Thanksgiving their meth lab must go.
No neighbor's house has burnt down for months,
And they didn't call some teachers cum-spitting c*nts,
Their net scams were hidden, and that shit was tough
So they thought that they deserved all of their stuff.
They stewed in their bunk beds unable to sleep
And were on the verge of starting to weep,
Then suddenly there was a thump overhead
And Abel and Jane almose flew out of bed.
They silently listened and suddenly heard
The odd little sounds of 8 dropping turds,
On their way to their parents, and to their dismay
They heard moaning and the bed squeaking away.
They got spanked the last time, so they left them alone
And figured that they should check this on their own.
They raced to the kitchen and grabbed some knives
And various objects to protect thier lives...
They went to their window, climbed out on their lattice
(It's things like this that they had much practice)
They peeked past the ledge and what did they see?
A man in a red suit as fat as can be.
He barely could fit in that little red sled
That had 8 reindeer at its head,
He finished a cookie, walked out of his seat,
And walked to the back slowly, 'cause he was quite beat.
He pulled otu an empty sack, tossed it aside,
Pulled out a full sack that was 2 Santas wide.
Jane and Abel looked into that sack
And started to act as if they were on crack.
The toys that they saw made both of them drool,
They could say they have half a toy store at school:
There were iPods and laptops and hippity-hop pants,
A Stripper Pole Barbie that's extra-enhanced,
A Fisher Price taser, some marijuana trees,
And a blow-up doll that had pads for her knees.
With 3 full sacks in the sled to boot
Jane and Abel quietly said "loot".
They crept up on the roof to the back of the sled
Stabbed Comet and Cupid until they were dead,
Drowned Donner and Blitzen in the piles of guts,
Poured Draino Dasher and Dancer's nuts,
Jane bashed in Prancer's head like a drum,
Abel screwed Vixen, which Jane thought was dumb,
Santa turned 'round and his throat filled with bile
Seeing 2 little kids with 2 evil smiles.
He saw all the carnage and faked a big grin
(As the strength of his bowels grew quite thin),
He said "hey kids, you're on the nice list"
When the kids walked closer, his leg filled with piss.
Santa said "there's no need to be mean",
Jane and Abel licked their knives clean
And dashed toward Santa to finish the bout,
Santa fell down the chimney, and promptly passed out.
They looked down the chimney, saw he was still
And heard their parents' headboard clatter still,
They dropped the 4 sacks upon the fat man
And scurried inside to finish their plan:
They dragged Santa out and onto the floor,
His beard they cut, his clothes they tore,
Smeared blood on his face, put knives in his waistband,
And carved some swastikas upon his hands.
Then hid all the sacks in various places
And changed their pajamas to remove all traces,
Ran back to their living room, pleased with their fate
To put final touches on their Christmas bait.
With milk and cookies dropped just for show
And the spread-eagle opera upstairs finally slowed,
Santa looked up, a glazed look on his face,
Jane screamed while Abel bopped him with a vase.
Their parents ran down and then back upstairs
(It seems they've forgotten that they were still bare),
When they returned they tied up the impostor,
While Mommy had a look as cold as Gloucester.
Though Santa was groggy he just played dead
'Til Daddy-poo snatched him up by his head,
Daddy looke at him eye-to-eye
And in quiet rage said "you're gonna fry
Home invasion alone's 20 years
And you've goten my kids in tears!"
Just then 4 reindeer fell to the grass
One with white stuff bubbling out if its ass.
"Sacrifice? Beastiality too?
I don't even know shysters that would defend you!"
At first Santa thought he'd have better luck
But heard he's a lawyer, and knew he was f*cked...
Jane and Abel had fun Christmas Day
And with all of the money they made on eBay,
When Sants got the chair, it hit them like a bomb
So they made up for it by starting Overstock.com...