Evil Amerigo
Crimson Soul
"I will never feed off the evergreen luster of your heart"--SOAD
Posts: 93
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Post by Evil Amerigo on Nov 24, 2003 0:36:00 GMT -5
What coiled serpent lurks within? What darkness frozen, pallid, din The icicles that stretch the valleys Of my heart
But when the wizened wizard grey Evokes his minions in array Oh fantasy so sweet that cries Upon the blessed thorns of lies
A pleasant fiction at the least Leave me there
Where brave and knighted warriors roam And justice found in hallowed domes And where the maidens fair and pure Await my presense' grace so sure
And since no draught or drink Tastes better than the thirst And since a feast of food Is best amidst its lack
Is it not same for love? I can not say For it has been a one way road A lonely trek
I'll not look back
With fearfuls eyes I look away And see her flawless face again And when that joyous day partook Just words
But I am no one
With plastic smiles and carousels And broken dreams and darkened wells Where songs are shrills and children cry Where old men weep and brothers die
Within your heart you feel it true And all I ask of all of you Don't fail yourself and lose your mind Just try your best and try to find
It
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Nov 25, 2003 13:21:06 GMT -5
wow.. i found this to be breath-taking. reflective. f*cking incredible. definetly one of the best pieces ive come across in quite some time!
thank you for sharing this, amerigo. i deeply enjoyed it.
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Post by Lina Inverse on Dec 5, 2003 22:17:01 GMT -5
I liked the sound of "wizened wizard"
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 9, 2003 21:53:18 GMT -5
You changed your rhythmn part way through, and then changed back again, so you might want to look at that. However, I loved your imagery and use of words. This is a truly inspiring piece. I especially loved these lines:
Nice message. Great work.
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 20:41:12 GMT -5
The imagery and smoothness of this piece is incredible! I especially like the following stanza because of it's imagery and sound:
"With plastic smiles and carousels And broken dreams and darkened wells Where songs are shrills and children cry Where old men weep and brothers die"
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