AxXis
Crimson Soul
I know the pale thing in the darkest of places.
Posts: 218
|
Post by AxXis on Nov 21, 2003 1:19:35 GMT -5
It comes, controlling. It stays, Uwanted. For you, consoling. Pain, It bargains. Giving me secrets, so heavy to keep. my soul, it weakens, tired of this cheat. I shall go my own way, for you bring such pain, do I have to suffer your claim, Cleaning my heart with stains? I won't listen anymore, I will close the door, but first can you show me the way? No, I bid you farewell, I'm not buying your sales, hold on a second, can you stay?
|
|
|
Post by Lina Inverse on Nov 23, 2003 18:45:47 GMT -5
Beautiful
|
|
AxXis
Crimson Soul
I know the pale thing in the darkest of places.
Posts: 218
|
Post by AxXis on Nov 24, 2003 22:55:08 GMT -5
Kind words. (or word I mean) Thanks for reading ;D
|
|
|
Post by _black phoenix_ on Nov 25, 2003 13:34:06 GMT -5
i can relate. its as though you took my thoughts and put them into words.
i especially liked the lines,
"do I have to suffer your claim, cleaning my heart with stains?"
splendid work! thank you for sharing, axxis.
|
|
AxXis
Crimson Soul
I know the pale thing in the darkest of places.
Posts: 218
|
Post by AxXis on Nov 25, 2003 21:59:45 GMT -5
thanks again for reading. I appreciate the feedback.
|
|
|
Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 9, 2003 8:49:12 GMT -5
I like the ideas you've put into this. The indecisivness was especially effective. PYour portrayed that well. You rhyming is a little confused, but that's easily sorted. Keep writing!
|
|
Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
|
Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 20:45:45 GMT -5
Everything in this piece was portrayed quite well. I love the stucture and smoothness of it...
|
|
AxXis
Crimson Soul
I know the pale thing in the darkest of places.
Posts: 218
|
Post by AxXis on Dec 23, 2003 2:47:42 GMT -5
Thanks for the compliment.
|
|
CrimsonAngel
Demon Disciple
.Fallen from the broken gates of heaven
Posts: 305
|
Post by CrimsonAngel on Dec 24, 2003 11:50:39 GMT -5
I really like this piece......there is good imagery behind it....I feel like I can relate to this piece a lot.....it brings out a lot of emotions....nice job
|
|