DarkenTheSky
Demon Disciple
Beneath the Watery Lust Garden, my Secret Lies. . .
Posts: 392
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Post by DarkenTheSky on Nov 10, 2003 5:56:59 GMT -5
I sat alone inside my head, Up all night in my cold bed, Remember what my voices said, "You should be dead, you should be dead!"
They pick at my sad, decaying brain, The make everyone think that I'm insane, I only want to feel real pain, Cutting myself now is hard to refrain.
I hope my suicide Attempts reside, I'm locked inside, And I've applied To Hell.
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Post by Saxon shadow on Nov 15, 2003 20:35:59 GMT -5
Felt cheated with the brevity of this exciting read, loved your rhyme scheme, I think if you worked on the last line slightly this piece would be quite a creation,, BG
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 7, 2003 23:01:11 GMT -5
I enjoyed this poem alot. Especially the last line in your first stanza. It's exactly how I'm feeling right now. I've had a really shit day, where I've just lost everything I ever cared about, so...yeah. Anyway. Work on the last stanza, as I'm sure it has the potential to be far more effective than it already is.
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 21:08:31 GMT -5
I really like the structure to this poem. I also like the meaning and emotion behind it. In a way everyone can relate to it...
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