Jauntypill
Dark Initiate
Im still alive on exit 75.....Abandoned to be only found breathing.
Posts: 34
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Post by Jauntypill on Nov 9, 2003 5:16:10 GMT -5
jesus wishes to be someone in television virus
erecting another prophet on the wounded cross god's eyelids press together slipping off
sleep awakes nightmares
.....
brick wall moves threatening hollow yelling like water rushing
ways to excape receiving through cracks
first experiment in this round of a flat system gone mad
wrapping bones around bricks feeling heat before
.....
once when he died
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Post by Hellsbells on Nov 9, 2003 23:05:11 GMT -5
Quote: erecting another prophet on the wounded cross god's eyelids press together slipping off End Quote. These lines are so magical. It really brings together the rest of the piece quite nicely. The words are so powerful and even though simple....Very well written Good job! Keep up the great work - Hellsbells
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Jauntypill
Dark Initiate
Im still alive on exit 75.....Abandoned to be only found breathing.
Posts: 34
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Post by Jauntypill on Nov 10, 2003 0:15:12 GMT -5
Thank you very much HellsBells for you kind words. It is much appreciated.
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Post by Alison on Nov 10, 2003 7:22:11 GMT -5
Another good one Jaunty!
Keep up the good work , I expecially like the line wrapping bones around bricks....It just calls to me.
Nice job.
- Alison
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Post by Saxon shadow on Nov 15, 2003 20:31:24 GMT -5
I too very much enjoyed the second stanza, but adored, 'wrapping bones around bricks' I also adore Jesus poetry, although some take offence at my work on this fable-istic subject, excellent work my friend, BG
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 4, 2003 9:16:55 GMT -5
You used some very powerful imagery! I really liked this piece. It's different. Unique. Well done!
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 21:13:59 GMT -5
A very unique piece that holds a lot of strong imagery. I love the structure and the word use. Great poem...
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