Jauntypill
Dark Initiate
Im still alive on exit 75.....Abandoned to be only found breathing.
Posts: 34
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Post by Jauntypill on Nov 1, 2003 9:51:32 GMT -5
satisfactory ambivalence had driven mud into these armpits and than personalties were taught amongst the seraphina phlegm:
for the people we've killed lost along the way we did it out of greed out of spite revenge
options now are none cause we've lost you out of time death was knocking upon your face list us another center of a problem
should have left ourselves more years before or accleast made some death threat to our own answering machine once again for the people we've killed
it was all we could do to keep from screaming
we're sorry we did it out of pain out of genius lust
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Post by Alison on Nov 6, 2003 0:06:49 GMT -5
I think this poem describes every emotion anyone on this planet has ever had. Its got deep complex issues explained through simple lines. This poem is a testament to poets everywhere , It uses the write feelings at the appropriate stanza's.
Great job.
- Alison
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Post by HellsBells on Nov 9, 2003 23:08:21 GMT -5
I agree with you Alison.
This poem has very deep complex issues described so effortlessly. The way the " we " is incorported really weaves the story into a very tell all tale.
Another great one!
- HellsBells
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Jauntypill
Dark Initiate
Im still alive on exit 75.....Abandoned to be only found breathing.
Posts: 34
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Post by Jauntypill on Nov 10, 2003 0:13:20 GMT -5
Thank you both so much for your comments ;D
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Post by June on Nov 10, 2003 1:30:48 GMT -5
This is a very different and thouroughly thought provoking piece. The seraphina phlegm.....Seems like a very interesting group of people.....I like the depth and creativity of the words. They ebb and flow and make patterns where patterns usually are hard to make.
I think a lot of people will see the inspiring creativity in this. I've certainly read nothing of this nature in a very long time. The last piece I read that was remotely of this form was by a poet named Allen Ginsberg....I believe that's how you spell his name. Anyways this is along the same guidlines.
Im not sure but I have a sense of connection with these seraphina phlegm.....It would appear to me that they were a representation of human beings and the way we take and take from mother earth and such.
That is just my impression though and if evryone viewed poetry the same than poetry would be immensly of a boring nature. Great poem and I will look forward to more experimental forms of poetry like this one.
- June k
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 3, 2003 15:32:25 GMT -5
Evn the title itself is thought provoking. There are some very unusual ideas in here, and a very interesting way with words. I really liked this poem. ;D
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 21:34:07 GMT -5
It makes you think more vividly than ever thought to be possible. Not too bad at all. A little confusing with the subject change at the begining though...
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