Evil Amerigo
Crimson Soul
"I will never feed off the evergreen luster of your heart"--SOAD
Posts: 93
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Post by Evil Amerigo on Oct 21, 2003 18:14:30 GMT -5
There upon the grim edifice Where you have once been Empty, green To see the eyes wreak their chaos
Within
I wonder what thoughts traverese your mind Do you see me? Can you feel the daggers of my eyes?
Sometimes I wonder whence my destiny lies? Or are they lies But never I believe it Despite my sighs
I wish I knew where to begin But foolish is what I bear Upon my mind... Self pity rampant Disgusting foolishness Oh yes
Oh yes What am I now? Answer my plea But you are free From society
That brings me comfort Of some sort Overwhelmed I am Am I?
Shalt I whine some more? Pathetic
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Post by black jewelled rain on Oct 21, 2003 18:23:11 GMT -5
Personally, I didn't think this poem was as well written as your previous one. It just didn't capture my interest as well. Don't get me wrong, it's a good poem. Just not your best. But that's because you set such a high standard with the last one!
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 22:42:43 GMT -5
What's the sense of this poem? It's not as strong as your other ones. I really didn't connect nor like this poem much. It just seemed like a lot of random thoughts not put together too well...
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Post by Lina Inverse on Dec 23, 2003 0:05:51 GMT -5
I personally like it. This poem expresses confusion very well, and I like some of the imagery. My favorite line is "disgusting foolishness" I can't quite put my finger on what is so great about it.... It just gives me a disgusted, confused feeling.
My only complaint is the plea/flee rhyme. It feels forced....
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