|
Post by EMOTION on Oct 17, 2003 4:37:55 GMT -5
The tenderness of grieving for those of living heart did wrap around my body like a cloak keeps in the dark enveloping that part of me where wholesome life be found dragging my body down and down and down in rhe spiral nay avortex where I lost complete my way my mind was overloaded with thoughts had gone astray there seemed to be no answers there were no words to say tortured it forever and anguished every day.
|
|
|
Post by Lina Inverse on Oct 17, 2003 21:47:17 GMT -5
Heart-wrenching and honest. I loved the line "down and down and down" and your almost-rhyming. It works perfectly that way.
|
|
|
Post by black jewelled rain on Oct 20, 2003 17:31:12 GMT -5
I really liked this poem and the almost-rhyming scheme that you have adopted. Watch your spelling in the line 'in rhe spiral nay avortex', and I also feel that it doesn't quite fit the neat rythmn of the rest of the poem. But that's the only fault. It's a very true statement.
|
|
Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
|
Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 22:55:58 GMT -5
Honest and truthful. The best kind of writing...
|
|