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Post by brokenXangel on Jun 19, 2005 14:28:08 GMT -5
I live with your disease Storming through my veins I take your next beating And watch my blood run black
Your seemingly delicate fingers Parade out of all control Their deceiving pale glow Wrapped in undeniable rage
This torture is constant Not over when you leave My entire life tainted by your fists You stand by to watch me bleed
Life drained free of all delights I hear your evil laugh At my faintly beating heart So desperate to give up this charade
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Post by x__powerABUSE on Jun 19, 2005 14:43:13 GMT -5
I liked this alot. Very deep. Nice work.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jun 21, 2005 0:00:38 GMT -5
ooooh vivid imagery. i enjoyed this.. very descriptive. wish i had such colourful vocab when im under the influence. nicely done.
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Post by Aish on Jun 22, 2005 14:10:51 GMT -5
The first stanza is very powerful, as is the third. The rhythm is kinda disruptive to the piece, and since the third stanza rhymes, the fourth reads as if set up for the saem. So it threw me off a bit.
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Post by brokenXangel on Jun 26, 2005 13:36:35 GMT -5
I wish alcohol gave me courage to actually stand up to him..
Thank you for the feedback.
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Post by DarkCloud on Jun 29, 2005 17:24:02 GMT -5
Greetings!
leave his punk ass behind!
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