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Post by _black phoenix_ on Oct 4, 2003 15:18:26 GMT -5
lady melancholy pulls at my tears, tediously drawing out each salty drop, smiling as i slowly crumble to my knees.
i tremble. i shake. i cry. i beg for saviour.
making each breath last an eternity, sweet melancholy pulls at my tears. every move is painful. every thought cuts the soul.
i shake. i cry. i slowly break beneath her force.
lady melancholy pulls at my tears. my face is sodden with fear.
final resistance fades; she is the master of my fate.
i gently fall without a whisper.
i gently fall without a whimper.
__________________ thank you for reading.
-leash _black phoenix_
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Post by black jewelled rain on Oct 5, 2003 8:31:38 GMT -5
I love the way you've given an anthropomorphic image of melancholy. It's a very clever way of dealing with the subject matter. I think I would have followed more easily if the structure had been clearer, but I'm just nitpicking! Great idea ;D
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Oct 5, 2003 13:45:28 GMT -5
thank you. well actually.. it started out with a very set structure, but it was just to constricting for my creativity. i spent probably five minutes just changing little things.. by the time i was done, the format had been completely destroyed. oh well.. i like it, so its all good.
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Post by Lina Inverse on Oct 9, 2003 21:30:41 GMT -5
I love how you made the crying and breathing drag on and on. Very beautiful piece.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Oct 12, 2003 0:01:42 GMT -5
thank you lina.. i appreciate the feedback .
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 23:05:39 GMT -5
The flow of this piece is wonderful. The meaning is even more so. I really like this piece. I'd have to say this is the best I've read of yours so far...
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