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Post by black jewelled rain on Aug 1, 2003 14:08:51 GMT -5
The blood from my cuts drips onto the floor, Each thought of you just kills me more. The hate that’s permanently engraved in my skin Is the only evidence of my pain within.
Hope dies last, So I am dead.
I gave you my heart, my soul, and my all. Then you took it from me and left me to fall. I did all that you asked and believe all the lies. I didn’t fight back when we said our goodbyes.
Hope dies last, So I am dead
But the day you left me is the day I died. You couldn’t see that inside I cried. A thousand tears I have shed over you; It was merely over something I thought to be true.
Hope dies last, So I am dead.
Now my dreams blown out like a dying candle, Being is a toil I cannot handle. Now death is all that will suffice, My life my final sacrifice.
Hope dies last, So I am dead.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Aug 2, 2003 1:29:54 GMT -5
i can really feel the pain in your poems.
i especially liked the lines, "now death is all that will suffice, my life my final sacrifice."
nice work. thanks for sharing.
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Post by Sera on Aug 2, 2003 9:38:20 GMT -5
sorrow and loss conveyed... my favorite line is "Hope dies last, So I am dead." it punched me in my center thank you
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Post by Chaos on Aug 3, 2003 15:56:34 GMT -5
FINALLY getting some time to be able to read some more...
"Now my dreams blown out like a dying candle, Being is a toil I cannot handle. Now death is all that will suffice, My life my final sacrifice."
Is definately my fav bit. I got quite a few interpretations from the first line, the fact that the candle was blown out and not just goes out suggests just how deliberate the action was/is etc etc. I love poems where i can look into the words and find different things on different days. Very emotional, lays the pain bare.
I like this poem a lot
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Post by black jewelled rain on Oct 3, 2003 15:36:18 GMT -5
Thankyou very much for all the comments All my poems have several layers of meanings, but most of the time they're so subtle only I know I put them there! And it's never the same after you've explained it to someone!
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 23:10:20 GMT -5
This one is very emotive, but not too great on structure. It was a little rough to read and the emotions weren't as clear as they have been in your other ones, but it's not bad at all...
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 23, 2003 0:34:01 GMT -5
I realise that. This is actually quite an old poem. I'd like to think I'm improved since I wrote this. Any thoughts on how I could improve this in a revision?
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CrimsonAngel
Demon Disciple
.Fallen from the broken gates of heaven
Posts: 305
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Post by CrimsonAngel on Dec 24, 2003 11:57:33 GMT -5
'Now my dreams blown out like a dying candle, Being is a toil I cannot handle. Now death is all that will suffice, My life my final sacrifice.'
I love that line.....and I think the repitition of 'Hope dies last, So I am dead' flowed very nicely.....once again, I really liked your work!
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 24, 2003 21:25:51 GMT -5
Wow. Like, I'm suddenly getting loads of comments! You can tell everyone is on holiday for Christmas now, can't you?! Lol.
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