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Post by Keiyuki on Jul 26, 2003 3:59:02 GMT -5
Alrighty, my first poem post. I'm pretty sure this is classified as depression. If not, do move it to the correct place. Sometimes it's hard to determine what category mine should go in lol. Anyways, here ye be.
Lay me down in darkness Never again to see the light Not that it matters much though I never fought the good fight
So go on now and lay me down Let me sleep in peace Mourn me not for I am here It's just you cannot see
So go on now and lay me down As the darkness covers my eyes The black shroud floats on down Light as a feather at the final release
So go on now and lay me down As the darkness comes to claim me Worry not for I am there Whenever you shall need me
So go on now and lay me down And let your memories remain Never shall you sheild your heart From the bitter pain
So come now and lay with me Down in the darkness And never shall you be afraid Because now you will see Everything is better here
Laying down with me
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Post by Chaos on Jul 26, 2003 14:30:49 GMT -5
I think it's in the right place I must admit for the first poem posted on here i am impressed. Some great imagery there. Certainly sets the standard for the rest of us. Might as well take this opportunity to say hello... Hello ;D
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jul 29, 2003 13:27:35 GMT -5
i really like your style and rhythm.
you dont need to worry too much about if your poems fit perfectly into the categories.. it doesnt matter too much. also, if you see a poetry topic that seems to be missing or would be good to add, just send me an email or private message! ;D
-leash _black phoenix_
p.s. both of you (and our other members) feel free to post lots of poetry and stuff in the other sections. while there arent too many members its ok to do that. enjoy!
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Post by Sera on Jul 29, 2003 20:49:02 GMT -5
so sad and dipairing, yet not quite giving up... maybe the impression of continuity is created by the repetition of the first line thank you
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mud
Dark Initiate
Posts: 17
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Post by mud on Jul 31, 2003 14:33:39 GMT -5
the ending was great, impressive write
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Post by black jewelled rain on Oct 13, 2003 12:59:31 GMT -5
I agree that the repitition of the words 'lay me down' is very effective in this poem. And I love the idea of being claimed by darkness. The way you changed it towards the end, to 'lay with me' was unexpected, but very good. It was a nice way of ending the poem. Great work!
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Post by Lina Inverse on Oct 13, 2003 19:47:57 GMT -5
Very wistful and sad One thing I would change is the word "though" in the first stanza... It just seems tacked on.
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 23:03:54 GMT -5
I love this poem. Everything about it is great. This is true talent...
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CrimsonAngel
Demon Disciple
.Fallen from the broken gates of heaven
Posts: 305
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Post by CrimsonAngel on Dec 24, 2003 14:30:35 GMT -5
this one shows true talent, as Mistress said already...
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