(15, 1)
Dark Initiate
For you I'd bleed myself dry.
Posts: 51
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Post by (15, 1) on Sept 6, 2004 0:13:24 GMT -5
Sometimes I want to kill myself, but then I think of you and how happy you would be and I put the thought away for now.
Note: Sorry if I'm posting too many poems, I've been critiqueing as well, but if you feel I've posted too many feel free to delete them.
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Post by littleskinny on Sept 6, 2004 7:27:35 GMT -5
My verdict is......you carry on just as you are my dear! So long as you leave feedback as you have been doing (and decent feedback it is too) then in my view you've earnt the right to post a much as you want.....of course Phoenix may disagree! However, I'm just pleased to see someone taking an active role and long may it continue!!! this poem is cute. I like the way you use your structures with such elegance. This made me grin - I guess it shouldn't but it's like a little sigh....!
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(15, 1)
Dark Initiate
For you I'd bleed myself dry.
Posts: 51
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Post by (15, 1) on Sept 6, 2004 21:35:22 GMT -5
Alright. Well, goodee.
No, no, it should make you grin. I was sort of aiming for a lightish poem with serious undertones.
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Post by ebo on Sept 7, 2004 7:58:06 GMT -5
Then you have def achieved your aim in this one
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Sept 8, 2004 15:07:51 GMT -5
well done. the only thing that i didnt really like about this one was the last two words.. for now. it just seems like theres something better that you could put there.
of course, thats only me.
as far as posting goes, i think youre doing just fine. we have a rule set up(post a max of 3 poems per board per day) which was made so that no one posted 20 poems at a time and bumped everyone elses work to the bottom of the page. you seem to be doing just fine. its nice to see you giving feedback to others. ;D
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(15, 1)
Dark Initiate
For you I'd bleed myself dry.
Posts: 51
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Post by (15, 1) on Sept 8, 2004 21:48:34 GMT -5
Well, I put the 'for now' at the end, so it didn't seem like I was giving up the thought forever. (Duh Trish, stop stating the obvious)
Yup, been trying to give feedback.
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Post by RaiNBoW oF DiSoRDeR on Sept 12, 2004 5:29:47 GMT -5
I like this one. It's really short, yet makes a big impact (IMO). Of course, the question is whether you put the thought of suicide away because killing yourself would make them happy or if it would make them sad.
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Post by LORDMORNINGSTAR on Sept 14, 2004 13:25:08 GMT -5
The undertones do shine through. I smirked inwardly, how dare that person be alowed to smile as I cry, die bitch die!
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