AxXis
Crimson Soul
I know the pale thing in the darkest of places.
Posts: 218
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Post by AxXis on Nov 25, 2003 23:29:36 GMT -5
You don't know me? You don't NO me! Oblivious, to what I'm capable of. Crossing the grim boundary, between you and I. Do you think my ethics keep me from taking your life? Morals are to let me know, how far I'm allowed to go. Please recognize the truth. What's thought wicked for you, For me?! Well that just isn't so.
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 20, 2003 16:26:18 GMT -5
Very confusing meaning behind this. The emotion isn't that strong behind it, or at least it does not appear so. The structure isn't half bad, but the rhyming needs a lot of work...
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AxXis
Crimson Soul
I know the pale thing in the darkest of places.
Posts: 218
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Post by AxXis on Dec 20, 2003 19:59:20 GMT -5
To me poems aren't just about rhymes. I write to express myself, bottom line. As far as getting confused, well it's usually hard for anyone to keep up with my head sometimes.
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 23:16:23 GMT -5
That is true. Expression is the base of all good writings...
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AxXis
Crimson Soul
I know the pale thing in the darkest of places.
Posts: 218
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Post by AxXis on Dec 23, 2003 2:56:09 GMT -5
I could do some work to this. I was trying to get across that a conscious doesn't control anything. ~where I get my ideas I don't know~ Thanks for the feedback.
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Post by :.:.:KrO NiC DaZe:.:.: on Dec 31, 2003 3:53:42 GMT -5
To me poems aren't just about rhymes. I write to express myself, bottom line. thats true poems aren't jus about rhyme...but...The way you wrote it, half way there each stanza it seems as tho it's goin ta rhyme...The poem didn't really have a flow...and the meaning was somewhat confusing
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AxXis
Crimson Soul
I know the pale thing in the darkest of places.
Posts: 218
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Post by AxXis on Dec 31, 2003 23:05:28 GMT -5
Well each line or so does rhyme. Now that I read it later on it seems my structure is a little disorganized. I would say the reason for this is I was mad when I wrote it!! (It is in rage right?) I will revise this soon and try to make it a little easier for you all to follow. Thanks for the feedback, I would have forgotton all about this one.
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