Jauntypill
Dark Initiate
Im still alive on exit 75.....Abandoned to be only found breathing.
Posts: 34
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Post by Jauntypill on Nov 1, 2003 10:15:44 GMT -5
She boiled water so i could burn myself
She gave me pills so i would kill myself
She cooked a potion so i would drink myself away today
she slit her wrists because i wouldn't play her goddamn game
i couldn't breathe as sucking it in felt the need to fill the heart realised i survived from being dead lost myself to me again
she served me rotten food in hopes i'd cry never thought she would learn to die inside i gave god a kick for bringing me here without my scalpel tried to make me eat her disease i bleed my mind into her veins so she could feel the knife she cut my arms with
stand aside you foolish king i want to tare down your virgin bride with the crucifix around her neck
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Nov 3, 2003 20:23:10 GMT -5
very strong emotion and imagery. great write.
a few typos..
"becaues" --> because "breath" --> breathe "tare" --> tear
vivid.
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Jauntypill
Dark Initiate
Im still alive on exit 75.....Abandoned to be only found breathing.
Posts: 34
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Post by Jauntypill on Nov 8, 2003 5:31:37 GMT -5
Thanks so much for your kind words and thanks for pointing out those typo's I missed. It's very much appreciated. - Jaunty pill
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Post by HellsBells on Nov 9, 2003 23:51:55 GMT -5
What a vile piece of poetic wisdom This was very good and talked to me in a very straight forward manner. This is truly an emotional work. - HellsBells
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 23:28:02 GMT -5
Such overpowering emotions and imagery...
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somaybeitsme
Dark Initiate
Conformed and Confined, We all bleed with sadness
Posts: 49
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Post by somaybeitsme on Dec 23, 2003 3:36:41 GMT -5
catchy title.
i like the ending. powerful and meaningful.
good stuff..
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AxXis
Crimson Soul
I know the pale thing in the darkest of places.
Posts: 218
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Post by AxXis on Dec 26, 2003 0:43:38 GMT -5
This was a very interesting poem Jauntypill. I like the fact that through the beginning she tries to burn and kill. Then you write, 'never thought she would learn to die' This instantly made me smile.
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