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Post by Moonstone Maiden on Nov 8, 2004 2:04:57 GMT -5
Never Believe
Never believe what they say, even if it doesn't go away. They may haunt your dreams, or hunt you in immense teams.
Never believe the lies, spoken through their eyes. Never sleep, and you shan't die, never let them watch you cry.
They scare my shadows from me, will they ever let me be? Unspoken words whisper through the wind, tears choke me, you could never be pinned.
Never believe. Never.
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Post by Yossarian on Nov 8, 2004 8:24:39 GMT -5
The main thing that seemed wrong to me with this piece was that most of the rhyming seemed really forced, and it didn't really work as a song. Other than that, it was fine. Write it again late at night when you haven't slept for a while and you're really paranoid... :winkface:
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Daemonized
Crimson Soul
There are noises in the dark ... the owners of which ... are better not to behold
Posts: 138
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Post by Daemonized on Nov 8, 2004 21:16:55 GMT -5
Greetings,
Flesh this out a bit and you'll have a very cool piece. Try stay away from too much rhyming. Otherwise, nice.
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