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Post by Chaos on Aug 1, 2003 5:36:33 GMT -5
Wow.. trudging through some of my old works and found this. Written what seems like ages ago. Like with almost all of my work, twas written in a spur of the moment thing with no editing and finished in a short amount of time. Well, without any further ado ..
Everything is Shining
Everything is shining, The sun gazing down with a paternal love, The sky a brilliant blue. The grass plays with the wind, And you are here with me, In this little piece of heaven, Made for me and you.
Yet as I gaze at you, In all your flawless beauty, My mind casts a shadow over us, The looming cloud overhead threatens rain, Yet your eyes sparkle all the same, Unaware of the storm brewing up above, The storm raging in my mind.
The sun is spying, It wants you for itself. The grass tickles your tender feet, Each blade stabbing at my heart, Your innocent laughter mocks me, Your smile for someone else, My mind grins and cuts again, A wound that never heals.
The wind, my gale, threatens to push you away, To push you over the hill, Out of sight and far beyond, But never out of my heart. It beats faster when you are near, Spreading the toxins through my body, Till I shake with the taint, Till my eyes cannot see, And I push you away.
You don’t understand, I barely do, I don’t do this for us, I do this for me. For I want to be with you forever, Until the end of time, Yet I cannot remain with you any longer, Least this storm consumes my mind.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Aug 2, 2003 1:44:01 GMT -5
wow.. i love how you used wind and other forms of nature to enhance the emotions you were experiencing.
a great write. very beautiful. i like how you sort of layed it all out on the table, so to speak. .. if that makes sense.
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Post by black jewelled rain on Oct 14, 2003 6:17:11 GMT -5
I loved the line 'the grass plays with the wind'. Fantastic imagery. You use great imagery throughout, actually. I like the way you use nature and the elements to create a sense of atmosphere in the poem and also use it to express emotion.
And the ending really hit me.
For I want to be with you forever, Until the end of time, Yet I cannot remain with you any longer, Least this storm consumes my mind.
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