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Post by twistedangel on Sept 19, 2016 7:35:49 GMT -5
If no light be seen at tunnels end not but faintest glimmer then there can be no hope
Past footfalls echo how darkness laughs enticement to retreat a fools wish
Occasional orange glows walk on as moth to flame Devil's disguise in sodium lies stop at each in vain
Encased in black so long if ever sunlight should appear Would I even know wot to do once there?
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Descent
Sept 21, 2016 0:06:18 GMT -5
Post by twistedangel on Sept 21, 2016 0:06:18 GMT -5
Hmm s3 I guess am trying to give the impression of false or fake hope...sodium vapour lighting gives off a orange kinda light, but is not sunlight, not real, but it is light...so somtimes we cling on to it (or people) for a while, before realising that it's fake...an we are still in a dark place 😐
tho these days their being changed to bright white LED lighting but poetically not so good lol...the idea of this came from being driven into Birmingham center thru a longish tunnel called Queensway some time ago
Dark tunnels (times) are part of the whole journey not, hopefully, the all of it, but many get stuck there
☺
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Oct 2, 2016 4:29:18 GMT -5
I like it a lot. I always enjoy reading you. The last stanza begs for a metaphor of choking darkness so deep and long that it leaves one wondering if now blind to all light. That’s how I want it to end but my creativity comes up short of a decent suggestion.
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Descent
Oct 16, 2016 19:02:14 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by sevenseven on Oct 16, 2016 19:02:14 GMT -5
Idk I guess s3l3 has too much twang, the build up is nice for s4l3-4, but I think its punch is a little too strong, and takes away from the finale. It is a really great line, but the singsong needs to go from 9.5 to about an 8.
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