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Post by twistedangel on Mar 3, 2016 1:07:07 GMT -5
Beautiful killer of a most serial kind Times I've died an died wanton 'little deaths'
Murder me again
Lest not await to bed thrill me now This restaurant booth public privacy
Expose my barren pubic mound
Rough hands upon silk skin torture not to cry Fingers explore as wine is poured
Avoid waiters gaze
Thin lace veil hides my disgrace Don't stop Never stop
Dish of exquisite taste
Every time I die Is time I'm most Alive
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Mar 4, 2016 17:09:54 GMT -5
This reminds me of a special little place. A patio deck out the back of a restaurant just inside the entrance to Frontierland at Disneyland. We had more privacy there, LOL The wording of the end is a bit wonky to me. It should be either; " Every time I die Is the time I'm most Alive " Or " Every time I die Is when I'm most Alive " Maybe it's just me but I want to read these two lines together; " Fingers explore as wine is poured " as " Fingers explore poured wine" The innuendoes fit well.
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Post by Aish on Mar 4, 2016 22:09:04 GMT -5
S1 L4 seems a little erroneous. "Lest not" doesn't feel correct and I think "pubic" could be struck.
Overall I like the piece. Familiar and welcome poison.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Mar 13, 2016 23:54:36 GMT -5
Each time I read this I like it even more. I’ve always liked the phrase you use for the title. It’s one of those things that on the face of it, at least when describing an orgasm, seems wrong at first but the more you think about it the better it fits. It expands understanding. I’m glad Cain revived Warm Whisky too.
Keep em comin’ Angel.
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