LSD
Crimson Soul
She needs me, but I need her.
Posts: 102
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Post by LSD on Oct 1, 2015 22:45:09 GMT -5
The killings never beckoned their reward. Though tasks were daunting in practice. Aware of it, and still willing to perform, amongst an aging crowd of predators and prey, raving for the hurry of time, never to think of its pounding chest seeming to heed for an escape, but limited by his own agenda. Leaning towards the edge of summer, when the rain has its final say, in moments of extreme pity and care, taking the excuse for an early exit, towards the garden of the lesser common. Have the younglings take the torch and bring back the harvest! the slithers won't rest on their feet. During nights of rude awakenings, they may find a friend.
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Post by Aish on Oct 12, 2015 15:49:30 GMT -5
I feel like I'm missing something here. And younglings makes me think of Star Wars, so the picture in my head may be a little messed up.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Oct 25, 2015 1:16:59 GMT -5
The capricious nature of your word choices lends this write a depth that strikes me as masterful. On the surface we experience thoughts of an assassin living among a guild of assassins. Tiring of his profession he reflects on passing the torch to the next generation. Obviously, thoughts bent on guilt. It’s not a pretty picture and relating to it closely is hard to face. Most of us don’t like to think we have this parson in us but your word choices dig deep. You start out saying it straight up and then smoothly transition into metaphorical word choices that hold deep meaning for most of us. Eg; Time, pounding chest, escape, [closely associated with] limited, rain, summer, early exit, garden, younglings, harvest, slithers, and awakenings all invoke meaning and emotion. The words like pity, care, and friend direct the emotions by their compliment. Each of the words I list tell their own sub-story of the man generating these thoughts. Their capricious nature means those thoughts are in a large and real way those of the reader. BTW, love your use of rain and summer here. We are so masterfully guided by the writer but free enough to require the reader to fill in with our own experience, I think our first reaction is a feeling of violation making this hard to comment on. LOL
This is a really sad story too.
Seriously, I learn a lot about writing poetry just by examining the structure of your work.
Thanks for sharing.
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