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Post by LonelyForsaken on Feb 14, 2015 19:18:32 GMT -5
Hi Wickedthingz and welcome to Dark Star. Please take a look at our posting rules and guidelines here; Posting guidelines - darkstarpoetry.proboards.com/thread/7387/dark-star-poetry-posting-guidelinesand Aish wrote a guideline to give you some idea of the kind of comments we are looking for; Critique guidelines - darkstarpoetry.proboards.com/thread/8521/critiqueThe three to one rule applies to the threads under the “Poetry” heading of our home page only. We have many areas where this rule doesn’t apply. Take your time and get to know your way around. It can be confusing at first but feel free to PM me if you have any questions. Just click on “LonelyForsaken” over my avatar on the left and then click on “Send Message.” We know that giving critique is difficult at first and we relax the rules a bit when you’re new but we do expect some effort. Please don’t worry too much over it. We know it is difficult. Take a look around, get to know some of us, and reading the replies will help you get an idea of the kind of critique we hope to receive. Mine, and some others, can be rather extensive but don’t let that scare you. We don’t expect you to start with a bang. There is a lot to be learned from replies already given and personal comments are always welcome too as long as it’s respectful. Above all, have fun. We have a “Debris” section if you just want to throw it out there and are having trouble finding time to keep up with the 3 to 1 rule.
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Post by twistedangel on Feb 16, 2015 11:59:54 GMT -5
mostly i like this, IMO theres to many 'The' in there that could probly all go, and the 'you' as well at the end of each line..maybe just 1 'you' at the end ?
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Post by Bastet on Feb 17, 2015 1:24:11 GMT -5
Not to take away from your piece or hijack anything, but all I can see/hear is an old WASP song, "Forever Free". So no crit, though I'm sure you could edit a little.
I'm now in the throes of an old pain, so kudos on illiciting an emotional response from me.
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Post by Bastet on Feb 17, 2015 10:04:35 GMT -5
Ok so bear with me as I am not sure I am responding correctly. But yes I have been listening to WASP since I was a gnarly little POS. So I will take your comment as a compliment.....
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Feb 18, 2015 15:24:22 GMT -5
Ok so bear with me as I am not sure I am responding correctly. LOL Looks like a bit of confusion when trying to reply to Bastet. It’s obvious by your reply that you meant no bad intentions. Plagiarism checker says this is 10% original. I thought it sounded familiar. It’s also too singsong and repetitious for poetry so I made no comment with my welcome post. I can tell your going through a bad time. *Hands a brother a beer (or whisky if you proffer)* I’ve done it too. My poem “Companion” turned out to be a total rip off from the biblical “Ruth.” I hadn’t read it in twenty years but our memories can be tricky.
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