krake
Crimson Soul
Posts: 79
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Post by krake on Dec 24, 2014 22:57:59 GMT -5
Shadow moving as it will Time, time, standing still Frozen in place waiting for a thrill Shadow moves on, no time to kill
Lizards standing on hot asphalt Reminds me of the shoes I bought My paycheck was not for naught I heard the lesson that the lizards taught
Rainbow resting on my head Like a tribute to the recent dead Telling my lovers to break bread The man they loathe has now been read
Shadow full circle takes me by the hand Walks with me to the produce stand Three tomatoes and a melon in hand I slice them all up for my favorite band
A river of dirt flows through my living room
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Dec 25, 2014 13:24:26 GMT -5
The rhyming seems intended to annoy. I do like its capricious quality though.
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krake
Crimson Soul
Posts: 79
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Post by krake on Dec 27, 2014 19:50:25 GMT -5
Yea, it's nothing more than rhymes as they popped into my head/just for fun/annoyance/etc.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Dec 28, 2014 3:30:20 GMT -5
That is how a lot of mine started, especially in the beginning. Sometimes I get a good one that just comes out good to start bust most start as gibberish or a rhyming ditty like this. But I leave it alone for a week or so and come back to it. If the original inspiration isn’t too strong than I can take a more objective look at it from the readers POV and start searching for better word choices and rhythm. Move some lines around and decide in a format and some of them come out good enough to post. But even some that really aren’t get posted too. LOL
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