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Post by porcelain on Sept 12, 2014 0:34:01 GMT -5
How lovely they shine the bars of her prison- stuffed inside with no release
The anger boils rising into oblivion
Oh how she cries history does repeat
A tight, cool smile holds everything together without, she'd surely crumble
At the end of the day she ruffles her feathers Well-kept and unstained
She sings an eerie song About a pretty little bird locked in a tiny cage.
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Post by twistedangel on Sept 13, 2014 13:04:33 GMT -5
the problem with keeping it all in is that one day you combust. .believe me is far better to shout scream kick punch all those thst deserve it at the time they are peeing you off great write loved the tight cool smile reference..very honest an very true...for awhile
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Caged
Sept 13, 2014 17:45:51 GMT -5
Post by LonelyForsaken on Sept 13, 2014 17:45:51 GMT -5
Hi Porcelain Good to see you, you’ve been away too long. S3 should go like this; “ The anger boils rising into oblivion” and I think you should make S3, S2, and S2, S3. Love the last two strophes. They have an other side of the coin feel. Lovely poem
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Caged
Sept 14, 2014 13:37:57 GMT -5
Post by porcelain on Sept 14, 2014 13:37:57 GMT -5
Thank you for your suggestions. I like them... I think I will edit (: It is good to see you too.
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Caged
Oct 12, 2014 3:10:03 GMT -5
Post by Aish on Oct 12, 2014 3:10:03 GMT -5
Lovely to read you again
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Caged
Oct 22, 2014 18:02:26 GMT -5
Post by goldfinch on Oct 22, 2014 18:02:26 GMT -5
Penultimate and final strophes are beast.
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