mee
Crimson Soul
Posts: 117
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Post by mee on Jul 29, 2014 7:23:36 GMT -5
the Moonlight spoke in the Sunlights cry the Stars keep winking Earth knows why Space spills out to keep us in faces in the Wind of rotations spin you and me dig endlessly so many eyes not one of them see
mouths can't hear over their shouts the Universe knows that we just don't count i mean that nice don't mean upset we do mean something that we just don't get workin it wrong slipped up false way too apart and it is our fault
it is the state we find us in so much Space and seperation so much meaning never gets meant yeah , Earth knows from where we've been sent Sunlight speaks through the Moons Lament as we Star'Winked wishin little f*ckers pretend that we are in control of this rapid descent Moon Earth Sun Stars All Gather , round this Event
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Post by twistedangel on Jul 29, 2014 12:42:35 GMT -5
millions screaming to be heared over the din of millions fear of isolation in an overcrowded world wanting a life to count, a purpose other than slaving to a wage gods are dead an hope is lost our proud modern world crushing humanity in humans this is wot I read from this an tho is wonky in a few places I really liked this kinda keeps me warm havin a blanket of despair
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Post by Veritas on Jul 31, 2014 13:03:15 GMT -5
It is very broken, choppy let's say. There is a separation between the universe(cosmos) in your words & though that may be what you see & feel, the reality is not so. It (we) are part of one whole... stars are neither benign or malign they simply are. You are quite correct that much MANKIND has distanced itself or to a certain degree cut itself off from the path of universal harmony. You do however contradict yourself with these two lines :
"way too apart and it is our fault" & "as we star winked wishin little f*ckers pretend "that we are in control of this rapid descent"
The piece does not flow very well, perhaps more continuity of subject matter. -LMS
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mee
Crimson Soul
Posts: 117
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Post by mee on Aug 1, 2014 6:30:35 GMT -5
i thought them lines sort of mean the same thing , we are apart from this world , we don't live with it we just use it , we look up to the sky for help either fron a god or another , life out there , while what we think we are controling is just getting worse under our self pretence , but yes it is a bit all over the place , it is hard describing how lost we are but thinking we are the main players at the same time , but i think that may be called poetic liscence , nice one though :_)
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