mee
Crimson Soul
Posts: 117
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Post by mee on Jul 7, 2014 7:23:29 GMT -5
covered in a poison lookin like skin something try'na keep me well locked in me head won't snap but i'm back in the trap little f*cking chuckles bits of me don't laugh got to take heart got to hold mind the bits that aren't laughing are the bits i can't find
i'll make sense someday if i just hold on licking of the poison feeling so gone licking at words sucking on thoughts playing with concepts of nothing , no more the world's up a creek and the paddle's still shit rowing through a mountain of possible pits
pulling on or's pushing what if's what the f*ck does that mean " take the chance before missed " covered in fear poisoning mee it's a big f*cking world where there's none of us free what we all know begging for change this fear soaked poison's making everything strange
making lost souls fading inside lick a bit more see if we died ghost lookin f*ckers try'na say we're alive lick lick laughing like a f*cking lost tribe it ain't f*cking funny when your smiles too wide chuckle on f*cker as i'm finding me mind
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krake
Crimson Soul
Posts: 79
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Post by krake on Jul 7, 2014 9:08:54 GMT -5
Jul 7, 2014 7:23:29 GMT -5 mee said: covered in a poison lookin like skin something try'na keep me well locked in me head won't snap but i'm back in the trap little f*cking chuckles bits of me don't laugh got to take heart got to hold mind the bits that aren't laughing are the bits i can't find Love these linesi'll make sense someday if i just hold on licking of the poison feeling so gone licking at words sucking on thoughts Very unique, really like the way you did that.playing with concepts of nothing , no more the world's up a creek and the paddle's still shit rowing through a mountain of possible pits pulling on or's pushing what if's what the f*ck does that mean " take the chance before missed " covered in fear poisoning mee it's a big f*cking world where there's none of us free what we all know begging for change this fear soaked poison's making everything strange making lost souls fading inside lick a bit more see if we died ghost lookin f*ckers try'na say we're alive lick lick laughing like a f*cking lost tribe it ain't f*cking funny when your smiles too wide chuckle on f*cker as i'm finding me mind This makes me think of this as a revelation which has led to a change, a turning away from the "poison" ? Overall, I really enjoyed this.
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Post by twistedangel on Jul 8, 2014 7:24:37 GMT -5
really liked this...me only crit would be watch the amount of effing...make em count rather than be used as line fillers using me instead of I lol gotta be a brit
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mee
Crimson Soul
Posts: 117
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Post by mee on Jul 11, 2014 6:54:58 GMT -5
i know the swearing is one i am trying to cut out mostly , but sometimes when i stop one it stops me in my tracks and i can't find a word that will replace it properly , but yes the last lines is sort of getting to grips before i am way to old to grip on to anything , got to start sometime , i keep telling meself , the poison is me stopping me by overthinking everthing about the world and all that :_)
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