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Post by twistedangel on Jun 24, 2014 12:56:54 GMT -5
Find your own space put a name tag on it Claim it for the workers of some fictitious revolution
Weaving words for your own unique sonnet Sing it in the shower of a mundane life while seeking a seal of genuine approval
Rest a weary head on an unmarked pillow Plasma dreams stop you going psychotic No one stares thru glass of a threadbare window
No ring to slide onto somones son or daughter For somthing to say become a tin can cutter Locked behind walls of borrowed bricks an mortar
Instant dinner on a plastic table Instructions read the same as your own generic label Sew it on proud to an altered ego
Faster Earth spins the lonelier our planet Dontcha know we're all same Dontcha know we're all insane
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Post by windfog on Jun 25, 2014 12:30:50 GMT -5
"... its all a game." Life is a game. Not less not much ... Very good work! W.F.
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Post by goldfinch on Jun 26, 2014 23:56:10 GMT -5
Really good poem. Thank you.
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Post by Veritas on Jul 18, 2014 19:33:14 GMT -5
I really, really enjoyed this angel, sorry I've been missin out! I agree 99.9% untill the final line, 1) it is a cliche , but 2nd & more importantly this place is no game, albeit does have the characteristics in certain areas & at certain times. Do I have an answer as to what it is besides ..... NO! oh b4 I go you should brobably remove the "a" after (no ring to slide onto)or switch it to (no ring to slide onto a son or daughter) nbd. -LMS
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jul 19, 2014 22:36:23 GMT -5
I have to agree with Varitas but it is ok. I get it and can’t come up with a better ending. Except maybe deleting that last line if it is not essential to the message. S3, L1 – You should remove those two “a”s too. “Rest weary head on unmarked pillow” I really enjoyed reading this. Easy to relate to.
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Post by twistedangel on Jul 23, 2014 4:28:29 GMT -5
Wos a bit worrued that all the last bit being cliché. .but then aint we all no idea WTF i wos thinking with that 'a' lol...is gone isnt it all a game? I guess it depends on wotcha expecting at the end...ATM i would be happy just to win the last poster wins thread pffft an all this spiritual living forever stuff i just cant believe..death has the last laugh Thanks guys oh an I changed "a unmarked pillow" to "an unmarked pillow" tried it without an cos of the syllable count it read a bit off
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