Pride Ed
Dark Initiate
I'll scream for you in whispers, because I always hated being too loud.
Posts: 35
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Post by Pride Ed on Jun 18, 2014 13:50:32 GMT -5
I'm just going to sit this here. I wasn't sure where to put this one due to its subject matter. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!
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Moon . A.A.J.B.
we learn of celestial bodies in science,
and i touch what is considered
forbidden knowledge about the stars;
the longing of the supernova to cover as
much of the blackness as it can in
a moment of explosive intensity. write
me a song on the blackboard in health class
comparing your nature to the onslaught of
solar winds. atmospheric pressure on my
lungs, and the force of gravity you
inflict upon the bearer of flowers.
tug and pull celestial seeds floating in
its own beaker. attack me. force me to
answer and make me want more.
ignore my protest and eat up the blank
space with smeared fingerprints and
crude words about my lust in the dark
and how the night sky swallowed me
whole.
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Post by twistedangel on Jun 19, 2014 4:32:08 GMT -5
The wording the subject along with the imagery I adore but for meself I dont like the layout..is to spread out killing wot could have been some exceptional flow other than that this is awesome
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Pride Ed
Dark Initiate
I'll scream for you in whispers, because I always hated being too loud.
Posts: 35
|
Post by Pride Ed on Jun 20, 2014 1:33:33 GMT -5
Thanks!
Yeah, I usually don't use this style of spacing often. But I felt like testing myself. ^_^
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Post by Bastet on Jun 21, 2014 14:55:09 GMT -5
What do you think about centering it? I think it would refine the format just enough. This is a great piece, I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Pride Ed.
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Pride Ed
Dark Initiate
I'll scream for you in whispers, because I always hated being too loud.
Posts: 35
|
Post by Pride Ed on Jun 24, 2014 18:02:35 GMT -5
@bastet: Hmmm, never thought of that. Thanks so much, and likewise!
^_^
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