Acting totally out of misguided intention
Lusty interaction upon a delirious dare
Too deep in the cup to consider prevention
Too deep in the cup to even care
Too deep in the cup, too late in the year
The repetition of "too deep in the cup" is nice.Catbird inhibitions, away they fly
With that first kiss, your senses veer
Warm and wet is better than cold and dry
Deep enough in the cup to sound sincere
The repetition here helps tie it in a bit, but falters as your rhythm has changed and it isn't used in quite the same manner. Above it worked as a sort of refrain.Forever embracing what is said to you
Words inspiring passion, words to endear
Even though they are not wholly true
What kind of words? What do they actually convey? Lots of abstracts in this piece without much concrete.Deep into the shadowy dusk, our fire is lit
Bidding farewell to another passing day
With a flowing abundance of mirthful wit
While quaffing our cares sweetly away
Underneath the full silvery moon in May
Pretty line.A clear starry sky after two days of rain
Inspires the poet in his drunken cheer
Memories that shall forever will remain
Of the raised cups of those gathered near
More cups, and the quaffing line another drinking reference as well as toast in the following line. The drunken theme is maybe beaten to death a little.A hearty toast for all that we hold dear
Of brandy besotted beauties, who came and went
Of successful seductions as the fire burned low
Come you with me into my dark tent
Where I can revel in your warming flow
- Blowing Springs Campground, Bath County Virginia 1991
Hi, atehequa. You have a nice beginning here. There is an old adage in poetry - show, don't tell. The sentiment is pretty clear, but it's not exactly new ground. One of the bewitching aspects of poetry is to read about familiar territory in a new way.
Breaking this up into strophes would be nice, as would fighting the urge to capitalize every line.
Have you considered that when you rhyme, you automatically place yourself in a box with your word choices? There are only so many ways you can go when rhyming.