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Post by twistedangel on Dec 20, 2013 12:11:49 GMT -5
Upon a gentle plateau I rest against a stone Although solitary,I feel not alone For I hear my ancestors calling from far off ancient home in circular days, mystical pagan ways
These stone batteries of magical power now left, abandoned,uncharged Depleted in unbelief Science, mystic thief
Thers comfort here unbroken chain over thousands of years Nothin truly dies or ever disappears An tho ive shed over a thousand tears within I erase all fears To find solace in the solstice I a giver of life chalice Naked skin upon stone older than druidism undercurrent of charged eroticism Almost,I touch my ancestors as earth between my toes Here,it pains to leave overwhelmed I weep Memories I shall forever keep as standing stones, silently sleep
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Post by nibbana on Dec 20, 2013 18:59:22 GMT -5
Beautiful. The Ajunta Caves make me feel this way when I am in them.
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Post by twistedangel on Dec 21, 2013 2:28:53 GMT -5
hi an thanks nibbana..erm do you mean the 'ajanta caves' ? looked at them thanks to wiki..they is beautiful ..but for me lack the 'mystery'..but is really amazing to think the effort people will go to an a life times dedication..and to who or what ?..am starting to think that all religions/faiths/spiritualisms when it comes down to it..is just 'hope'
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Post by windfog on Dec 22, 2013 13:17:47 GMT -5
Romantic and sadness. Calm and deep feelings. Wonderful piece! W.F.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Dec 22, 2013 16:32:41 GMT -5
I agree. I do like it but its poetic aspect? Hmmm? Rhyming years, disappears, tears, and fears… well, honestly, it’s too much. It made me want to stop reading but I do like it on the whole and I kept going besides. I always find things I really like about your work. Nice ending. “..am starting to think that all religions/faiths/spiritualisms when it comes down to it..is just 'hope'” – A perfectly reasonable explanation but it doesn’t answer everything does it? Hope, we all need it and look for it. It is never more prevalently sought after than in the suicidal. Many just need hope, a reason for living, and many do believe. Sometimes that belief is all that keeps them from bleeding out. They only want for an end, and they don’t want to believe, but they do. Why? You are probably looking for that hope or at least trying to understand why it is so prevalent among us. I could tell you my own reasons but I can’t give them to you and telling you won’t help. I do know another way but it is very personal, takes time, and close proximity. Sometimes a guide can help but ultimately you must find what is within you on your own. We all feel it on some level. Unfortunately it is foreign to life, misunderstood, and easily rejected. It doesn’t help that so called religious leaders have been using this to manipulate us throughout human history either. I know I’m about to piss off some people but God is not found within walls (a church). Our souls doesn’t “speak” like we do and the language is so damned hard to learn and understand. It is so open to human interpretation. And first, you have to recognize it for what it is.
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Post by twistedangel on Dec 23, 2013 9:02:06 GMT -5
cheers LF..an yeah i kinda agree with you thoughts on the rhyme..not overly happy about it meself but i kinda boxed meself in with it..may have a rethink about that stanza but i did feel that the overall piece an wot its trying to get across made the lame bit of rhyme a bit forgivable
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Dec 23, 2013 16:16:10 GMT -5
“but i did feel that the overall piece an wot its trying to get across made the lame bit of rhyme a bit forgivable” – That is what I said in my long winded way. LOL
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Post by Aish on Jan 9, 2014 16:11:29 GMT -5
Angel, it's a damm fine piece in concept. The rhyme scheme almost worked to lend it a chanted feel, but the words LF pointed out ruined it for me as well. That being said, if you're open to expending the energy for a re-write, there are some real gems worth salvaging. I got married in a circle of stones at dawn - the energy isn't as dead as you may think, but I applaud your lament for the abandonment of the organic nature of the old ways. As a species we have strayed too far.
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Post by twistedangel on Jan 19, 2014 3:09:09 GMT -5
yeah am gonna give it a go an play around with this IMO the first 2 lines of S2 need tidying up an the first half of S3 needs a whole rethink
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Post by twistedangel on Feb 26, 2014 2:59:30 GMT -5
Upon a gentle plateau Solitary, yet feel not alone For I hear my ancestors calling from far off ancient home in circular days, mystical pagan ways At suns zenith naked I lay upon heartstone One hand caresses spirits of those before. Other, essence of those to come Circle now complete, mind becomes free Energy, waves in undercurrents of charged eroticism Revelations of wheels within wheels As living, I a link, a bridge Of all that was, an all that is to be Realisations that nothing truly dies, or disappears All we do ripples through the ages Our lives our actions, eternal Granite watchmen, forever rock These memories I will forever keep As standing stones, silently sleep kk first I dont 'like' me own post me stoopid keypad is to small an aint long nail friendly pfft also v2 wos pants but I have tried to keep away from crappy rhymes in this one but keep the feeling the same
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Post by Bastet on Apr 26, 2014 11:37:48 GMT -5
Angel, would you mind posting the newer version up top with the original? That way I can compare the contrast easier, plus it won't get lost down here.
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Post by atehequa on May 22, 2014 17:42:21 GMT -5
A beautifully and masterly written piece.
Evoking ancestral memories.
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Post by twistedangel on May 24, 2014 1:59:47 GMT -5
heya atehequa an thanks.....but I kinda get wot zombieparakeet means now by posting v2 next to v1...erm is you comment for v1 or 2 ?
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