LSD
Crimson Soul
She needs me, but I need her.
Posts: 102
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Post by LSD on Sept 28, 2013 5:04:06 GMT -5
Given this statement I could never guess, I’m in my thoughts knee deep about to pull out from her flower dress, I’m fed up with calculus, but I want to be the best, I want the world at my fingertips. Accepted by all but am I right, is this real? Can I see what I don’t feel, don’t want to be on blood pressure pills. I’m trying still, I’m still trying. College life isn't what it seems, I thought I could handle school life without the Degrassi, I thought I could talk to girls but I’m just another lassie. I’m looking for a home, something to call my own, a family. Why am I so different, see the kid with Charisma. The jock with Cream, and the geek with Chrisna. I’m under lock and key by Mary Jane and Vyvanese to help me study. Get me out of this fantasy I’m nothing fancy, don’t frame a dusty antique. Somebody lied, they lied. Maybe God got tongue tied, maybe Adam and eve made a sour patch oopsys, to grow and be a yellow ribbon for Suzy. I don’t want to go to war, but who am I to call it, I’m too quiet to off it, too kind to cock a 9 mil and make it rain in targets splitting Siamese daughters. I don’t want any more offers. I’m tired.
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siksimon
Demon Disciple
Blind leading the blind.
Posts: 524
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Post by siksimon on Sept 29, 2013 2:59:00 GMT -5
Pretty cool, I like the clever rhymes, some of the meanings are a bit off or irrelevant though, such as "lassie" which is a reference to a schoolgirl
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Post by twistedangel on Oct 5, 2013 17:58:27 GMT -5
i missed this till now..i enjoyed this an have to agree with simon about some very good rhymes i get the overall meaning but cos am from the UK some things i dont get like Degrassi, Chrisna (unless you meant Krishna ?), Vyvanese, or the line "yellow ribbon for Suzy" BUT i can say that over here Lass or Lassie is used by a lot of Jocks (Scots not footballers) for any random female
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LSD
Crimson Soul
She needs me, but I need her.
Posts: 102
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Post by LSD on Oct 9, 2013 16:01:01 GMT -5
Yea this poem is basically about making connections with the media and reality using rhymes. For instance, "Degrassi" is a show about teen life and drama that happens in the school. "chrisna" or Christine is slang for cocaine. And "Lassie" is the name of an abandoned dog in a movie who searches for a home. And is also a female name. I used lassie in both contexts. "Vyvanse" is ADD medication. Thanks for reading!!!
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Oct 11, 2013 18:49:56 GMT -5
I was curious about your meaning of the yellow ribbon in this context. The yellow ribbon has had many meanings over the years but in connection with Suzy I assume it is the "Bring our troupes home" sentiment? I associate yellow with friendship (flower) and forgiveness (ribbon around the old oak tree) but most recently, in a ribbon, it is connected with supporting US troupes abroad.
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siksimon
Demon Disciple
Blind leading the blind.
Posts: 524
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Post by siksimon on Oct 12, 2013 20:18:35 GMT -5
I associate it with third place ribbons like at the county fair, blue for first, red for second, yellow for third, white for fourth. I got a lot of yellow ribbons in 4H club, which was kind of redundant when there's only three or four participants
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LSD
Crimson Soul
She needs me, but I need her.
Posts: 102
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Post by LSD on Oct 24, 2013 8:16:50 GMT -5
This is the beauty of poetry. The yellow ribbon can resemble anything to the reader. For the the reader makes there own imagination and perception based on what they believe. I used the yellow ribbon to refer to US troops.
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Post by Veritas on Oct 26, 2013 17:48:32 GMT -5
Always dig jabs 'n stabs at american pop media, I dispise pharm co. But must admit I do love some of their products, not keen on the ryhme in this , reminds me to much of rap lines only not as witty. I perfer my political satire more political and more satire. I do not however put restrictions on poetry itself... so much as how it is said/put... hipocracy , perhaps... but I chalk it up to another human perception/oppinion...
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LSD
Crimson Soul
She needs me, but I need her.
Posts: 102
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Post by LSD on Oct 28, 2013 9:06:08 GMT -5
Fair enough. Thanks for reading though! !!
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LSD
Crimson Soul
She needs me, but I need her.
Posts: 102
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Post by LSD on Oct 28, 2013 9:06:26 GMT -5
Fair enough. Thanks for reading though! !!
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Post by Bastet on Nov 1, 2013 18:48:36 GMT -5
Sorry, but this just seems like a big jumbled mess. I'm finding out stream of consciousness can be a useful tool, but it still needs to be readable. This seems lazy to me.
Jmo
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Post by Moonstone Maiden on Nov 2, 2013 4:59:33 GMT -5
But must admit I do love some of their products, not keen on the ryhme in this , reminds me to much of rap lines only not as witty. I agree with Veritas in this comment. I think most people didn't quite grasp some of the concepts, hence why you had to explain them because there was some confusion. My main suggestion is to format this like a poem rather than as zombieparakeet said "a big jumbled mess". It just looks like some drugged up ramblings of a white dude trying to rap. This is my suggestion: Given this statement I could never guess, I’m in my thoughts knee deep about to pull out from her flower dress, I’m fed up with calculus, but I want to be the best, I want the world at my fingertips. Accepted by all but am I right, is this real? Can I see what I don’t feel, don’t want to be on blood pressure pills. I’m trying still, I’m still trying. College life isn't what it seems, I thought I could handle school life without the {Degrassi}, I thought I could talk to girls but I’m just another lassie. I’m looking for a home, something to call my own, a family. Why am I so different, see the kid with Charisma. The jock with Cream, and the geek with Chrisna. I’m under lock and key by Mary Jane and Vyvanese to help me study. Get me out of this fantasy I’m nothing fancy, don’t frame a dusty antique. Somebody lied, they lied. Maybe God got tongue tied, maybe Adam and eve made a sour patch oopsys, to grow and be a yellow ribbon for Suzy. I don’t want to go to war, but who am I to call it, I’m too quiet to off it, too kind to cock a 9 mil and make it rain in targets splitting Siamese daughters. I don’t want any more offers. I’m tired.
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