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Post by twistedangel on May 18, 2013 2:32:21 GMT -5
sit with me an drink shhh, dont talk lets not think savour the moment taste the whiskey on our lips no clocks no ticks ice to glass clinks sit with me an drink shhh, listen fire side eyes glisten savour the moment let whiskey warm our heart logs crackle in the hearth embers flicker after dark sit with me an drink shhh, be still lets not suffer the needle chill savour the moment dulled in whiskeys shine let my arms around you entwine rest your head against mine sit with me an drink shhh, were here no more fear savour the moment let whiskey lock the world outside a toast to a life denied as into each other we run an hide
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siksimon
Demon Disciple
Blind leading the blind.
Posts: 524
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Post by siksimon on May 18, 2013 10:32:52 GMT -5
Nice imagery and theme, I like how you write in a dialect, I always loved reading books like "tom sawyer" and "the color purple" where the author uses non-typical grammar and spelling in a characters dialogue. The timing is also very good, I have been getting into the 3 line rhythm lately and this piece feels like that but actually is six line, and it comes together very nice as a whole.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on May 18, 2013 14:21:31 GMT -5
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful, and a dream I dreamed for many years. You pulled this seen from my own heart. Whisky is my favorite drink. Fireside company a comfort I've known too seldom and as for the surrender you so lovingly express; I thought I knew… a moment, perhaps. It's like a drug you can't live without once you've partaken of it but it's as rare as ambrosia. Love it just the way it is. Thank you, don't change a thing.
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Post by fourtimefelon on May 18, 2013 19:50:03 GMT -5
I'm always rhyming without a scheme, sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. I can see in your piece here the effect that something plotted has. This poem left me with a sad, sad feeling. Almost as if 'sit with me an drink' was less a statement of something we should do, and more of a plea from one individual to another, like they're trying to get the other to do these romanticized things with them, but the other is always pulling away. Like they want the other to feel what they felt. Tainted Hearts. Good thread placement.
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Post by twistedangel on May 19, 2013 4:06:16 GMT -5
cheers guys Felon your sort of right (hmm..actually thats a bit rubbish LOL everyone takes their own ideas from what they read dont they so like how can you be wrong ?) my own image of this is..yes its almost a pathetic plea..a plea to anyone really but a like minded soul..in comfortable silence..an just hold on
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Post by windfog on May 19, 2013 6:57:46 GMT -5
Lady, to say "impressed" is to say nothing! I like this your piece very much! Whiskey is a passage for escape from reality. And when one feels that this "f..... b.... reality" got him completely ... one runs away. Of course it's not good. (Is it?) But to be a living dead with fury, anguish ... is it better? Wonderful piece here! W.F.
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Post by jaded1 on May 25, 2013 15:01:17 GMT -5
That flowed off off my lips perfectly while I read it. A great poem I felt as though I was in my cabin by the woods sipping my whiskey alone wishing for company to join me next to my fire. Thing is I don't have a cabin, don't have whiskey, or a fire. Just the feelings and your poem created that; wonderful
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Post by twistedangel on May 26, 2013 3:17:31 GMT -5
thanks jaded...shhh little secret so dont tell no one...but whiskey YUK i hate the bloody stuff...tho i do like Bulliet bourbon drowned in coke so maybe thers hope for me yet
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darkpoetics
Dark Initiate
Bleed for me your dark poetic's!
Posts: 11
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Post by darkpoetics on May 26, 2013 3:30:29 GMT -5
Nice flow and imagery. It was beautiful and tantalizing to read.
Thanks for sharing and please keep writing.
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Post by Veritas on Feb 16, 2016 11:49:01 GMT -5
beauty of a piece, beauty of a sentiment, beautiful experience
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Post by twistedangel on Feb 17, 2016 3:56:18 GMT -5
Cheers guys
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Post by colourlessthoughts on Feb 24, 2016 22:14:15 GMT -5
Makes me want to get sloppy drunk. I was pretty much slurring that when I read it (figuratively speaking), could taste the whiskey and numbness to life.
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Post by Mikepoet on Apr 26, 2017 21:24:33 GMT -5
I like this one. I can see my self with chosen female relaxing and savering the quite fireside relaxation. Your writing talent is developing as well as I figured it would back years ago when I first read you. Bravo.
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Post by monapentacle666 on Feb 11, 2018 15:04:25 GMT -5
Quite enchanting.
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