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Post by twistedangel on May 1, 2013 2:22:14 GMT -5
Pretty as snowfall Crystal shine in the dark Cold blanket stifling life Inviting like the virgin fall Beautiful red upon white Warm blood drawn, a frozen kiss I the daughter of winter Bride of Death, veiled in ice
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Post by windfog on May 1, 2013 2:30:39 GMT -5
Vivid and powerful image you brought here with so little words! Wonderful piece! W.F.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on May 1, 2013 20:45:35 GMT -5
I love winter and I really love this. I had to think long and hard to find any way I would change this. Mostly, I would change the format, but other than that it’s near perfect IMO. I think you should open with; “Crystal shine in darkness [very captivating line.] Pretty as snowfall” I want to change “stifling” in L3 to “oppressing.” But it really is just semantics and preference. Remove “like” from L4. I feel that being more assertive really enhances the emotion here. Remove “a” from L6. I so love the frozen kiss where you placed it. Perfection! You took an imagery approach with this and your talent came to life vividly. :-) LF
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Post by Aish on Oct 30, 2014 14:44:36 GMT -5
It's a truly lovely piece, Angel. I can't believe I missed it.
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Post by Moonstone Maiden on Apr 16, 2015 20:27:47 GMT -5
My favourite line - 'Warm blood drawn, a frozen kiss' Such a simple yet devine contrast. Strong & succulent. Thanks for sharing
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Post by Bastet on Jun 30, 2015 15:35:38 GMT -5
Beautiful work, Angel.
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Post by lewis82 on Aug 2, 2015 8:48:43 GMT -5
Short, but powerful.
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