mic2
Crimson Soul
Posts: 174
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Post by mic2 on Mar 12, 2013 21:17:49 GMT -5
In The Lake O’ Lakes
John put a foot in a boot, pushed an arm through a sleeve. Has a rod & reel in his hand and a line in the water.
As the flash light moon takes charge, he’s in a dance hall listening to a four piece band, and his heart tail-slaps his throat.
He’s a fancy dancing, red faced Daredevil, all spoon and treble hook, trolling muddy puddles.
John says out loud, to no one, My love is the color of blood.
Who has over trolled these burgundy waters?
Was it me alone, reel in hand, foot in boot?
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Mar 13, 2013 21:32:48 GMT -5
I like it a lot. I think your metaphors may be hard for some to fully grasp but I know lonely and this is it.
“flash light moon” wished I had thought of it myself.
Love this; “Daredevil, all spoon and treble hook, trolling muddy puddles.” I always keep a Daredevil handy when lake fishing and the metaphor is awesome.
Nice ending.
Thanks for sharing Mic2
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Post by windfog on Mar 14, 2013 3:06:23 GMT -5
Hi! It can be read in some different ways and every one is very good and interesting. I like the idea behind the words and I like flow in this your piece. Very good! W.F.
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siksimon
Demon Disciple
Blind leading the blind.
Posts: 524
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Post by siksimon on Mar 17, 2013 4:25:59 GMT -5
It reminds me of a town I lived in called Land o lakes, it's in Florida, not far from where I am now. I remember we used to run out on this dock and jump out into the lake. Funny thing was the property we lived on was in conjunction to a nudist colony, so sometimes a boat filled with naked chicks and dudes would come chugging through LOL. And the parents would hide their kids eyes. Good times.
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mic2
Crimson Soul
Posts: 174
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Post by mic2 on Mar 23, 2013 13:07:36 GMT -5
Thanks LF, WF and sik for taking a look.
LF, yes, if you're not into fishing, etc, some of the metaphors might be not making much sense. What's a man to do?
Thanks again, mic
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