|
Post by oiphoenix on Mar 9, 2012 3:25:11 GMT -5
The strongest survive, in the minds eye high above the sky. Is this a dream what does it mean? Wake up to life a new lie a new strife. Battered and betten, left to be eaten. the foolish lose they're gaze and begin to praise. fiddeling slowly with there thumbs arms raised to Heaven small shake and its done. escape the past one cannot if only you had said your thought.
|
|
|
Post by ImpendingDoom on Aug 7, 2012 0:06:42 GMT -5
There were just a few of typos *beaten* *their**fiddling*. And it could be just me, but it didn't seem to flow very well near the end. I'd say you lost me when it got to the *fiddling slowly* part. I think there should be some punctuation in there to break it up a little bit. Thanks for your time & keep up the work!
|
|
|
Khloros
Aug 9, 2012 20:03:14 GMT -5
Post by LonelyForsaken on Aug 9, 2012 20:03:14 GMT -5
This really needs some line breaks. Not sure how the title relates to this write but I enjoyed reading this. The rhyming in the beginning feels a bit too forced. I love the ending.
|
|