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Post by oiphoenix on Mar 9, 2012 3:11:14 GMT -5
Gliding across the field a noble stead. Catches the eye like no other. Capturing the heart of One nation. She crys in distress for the monster the pest laying next to her in the night. not like the one who rides His Heavenly horse through the night. Announcing the beggining from pain and suffering. This noble lad, not rightious or bad was welcomed with foolishness into the village.
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Post by ankhkat on Mar 9, 2012 17:18:23 GMT -5
i think this would benefit from some line breaks instead of paragraph form.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Mar 9, 2012 22:03:46 GMT -5
It needs a bit of work and structure but I like what you have begun. Did you mean; “Announcing the beginning of pain and suffering.”? Crys = cries Beggining = beginning Rightious = righteous Welcome to Dark Star and I look forward to reading your work and helping you develop your writing skills. Please read our posting guidelines; darkstarpoetry.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=info&action=display&thread=7387
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